


Barisi Dads AU Advent 2020

by Ava_now



Series: Barisi Dads AU--Holiday Collection [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Adoption, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Babysitting, Catholic Guilt, Catholicism, Childbirth, Christmas Caroling, Christmas Fluff, Christmas traditions, Domestic Fluff, Drunk Sex, Elf on the Shelf, F/M, Family Holiday Celebrations, First snowfall, Friendship, Gift Giving, Gifts from the Heart, Hanukkah, Homelessness, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Lighting the Menorah, Living Nativity, Loving Families, M/M, Making Out, Oral Sex, Present Making, Systemic Racism, The Grinch - Freeform, The Nutcracker Ballet, Walking the dog, baby photoshoot, breast cancer mention, breast cancer treatment, charitable giving, childhood illness, daddy daughter dates, families who bake together, first visit to see santa, gingerbread, marital separation hostility, playfulness, playing dreidel, seeing Santa, sibling dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:08:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 28,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27827293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ava_now/pseuds/Ava_now
Summary: For Advent this year, I'm using one holiday word prompt each day to write a daily ficlet about this family.  Hopefully you'll see a mini-fic posted daily from now through Christmas, all in the Christmas spirit.If it sounds potentially smarmy and warm and fluffy and full of embarrassingly sweet gooshy loveness, that's what I'm aiming for!
Relationships: Bella Carisi/Tommy Sullivan, Gina Carisi/Original Character(s), Lucia Barba/Original Male Character(s), Marlene Barba-Carisi & Jesse Rollins, Olivia Benson & Marlene Barba-Carisi, Rafael Barba & Billie Rollins, Rafael Barba & Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Sonny Carisi & Jesse Rollins, Sonny Carisi & Original Male Character
Series: Barisi Dads AU--Holiday Collection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036527
Comments: 58
Kudos: 60





	1. Hope

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written anything like this before, so we'll see how it goes! 
> 
> The first ficlet is called "Hope" and references incidents in both the fics "Family" and "Bits and Pieces: Little Stories of the Barba-Carisis", chapter 4 called "The First Baby". You can find more information about Ethan Luis here. The fic Family details Marley coming home from the hospital.
> 
> Kudos and comments are so very appreciated! Hope you enjoy!

“Do we have to put that goofy ornament on the tree this year?” Marley asks, watching Rafael examining her “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament. It’s pink and girly, but the part she objects to most is the fact that it has her baby picture in it, and she looks like a scrunched-up black-eyed pea. When her friends come over and see it, they tease her.

“Of course we do,” Rafael answers, as though any other answer would be ridiculous. He attaches the hook and hangs it in a prominent spot.

Sonny chuckles. “That’s one of your papi’s favorite ornaments,” he teases, watching his daughter roll her eyes. “He’ll choose it every time.”

“It brings back good memories,” Rafael defends, crossing his arms. “It’s more than just a photo of one of my favorite people at the start of her journey. It’s also a picture of hope.”

Marley stands and finds a spot on the tree to hang the ballerina ornament in her hand that Abby gave her a couple years before. “A picture of hope?” she echoes. “What do you mean? I just see a squishy baby.”

Rafael grins. “Well, it’s that too. But you know, before that day, your dad had trouble hoping. He was still in so much pain from us losing Ethan, the first baby we were supposed to adopt.”

“I remember Ethan,” Marley says, glancing at Sonny. “Daddy lights a candle for him every March for his birthday. Still. Sometimes he takes me with him, right, Daddy?”

“That’s right,” Sonny answers, setting up the nativity set on the coffee table. “But Papi is right. I don’t know if I would have been able to light those candles, or feel hope again. I didn’t really believe that Corrine would allow us to adopt you until I held you that day.”

“And that’s why I see hope.” Rafael reaches out and tousles his daughter’s hair. “Because that little baby brought hope back to her daddy.”

“Like Jesus brought hope to the world,” Sonny remarked. “Babies are good for that.”

“Aw, you hear that, guys? I’m like Jesus!” Marley grinned, and both of her dads snorted.

“One can always hope,” Rafael tells her, tickling her side, and she giggles.


	2. Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little angel is born a few weeks before Christmas, and her Uncle Sonny is responsible for the one month photo shoot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Word of the day is Angels.
> 
> This ficlet references the fic "Bits and Pieces: Little Stories of the Barba-Carisis, chapter 6: A Run In with RSV". If you're unfamiliar, RSV is an awful respiratory illness that infants and toddlers are particularly prone to getting in the winter. A lot of them end up in the hospital. You don't need to read that to understand the ficlet, though.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always so welcome and appreciated! Enjoy!

Stella Rose Sullivan, Bella and Tommy’s first child, was born on a cold and wet early December morning as her uncle Sonny rocked his own baby, slowly recovering from RSV. Marley had been in the hospital herself just a week before and was now home, but still battling the cough and congestion to the point her father felt like crying for her. They had planned for Rafael to care for the baby so Sonny could be at the hospital with his sister and their family, but then Catalina had fallen earlier that evening. Rafael was across town at Bellevue, getting his grandmother taken care of, as Bella was giving birth at Mercy.

Marley let out a pitiful cry again, the sound scratchy and sharp, and Sonny sped up his rocking. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” he soothed, “you’re gonna be okay. Shhh…”

His phone beeped, and he pulled it from his pocket to see a photo of a newborn baby girl, still crying in his sister’s arms. Bella looked exhausted but joyful, and Sonny grinned as a text came in saying, “Stella Rose Sullivan, born December 2nd at 4:49 a.m.”.

“Look at that, Marley Mae,” he cooed to the toddler as she watched him with wide, tearful eyes. “You’re a big cousin now! Baby Rosie is here, and I bet she’s gonna be an angel, just like you.” He leaned down and kissed Marley’s forehead, and she reached her little arms up. He shifted them around, sitting her up in his lap, and kissed her again. Snapping a quick picture of the two, he sent it to his sister’s phone, texting, “Welcome to Parenthood! Marley and I can’t wait to meet Rosie!”

He scooped up the baby and went to the kitchen, where he warmed up a bottle of formula before heading back to the master bedroom. Laying Marley down in the middle of the bed, he positioned himself so that the wall was on one side of her and he was on the other, snuggling her near, and helped to support the bottle as she drank slowly. Her eyelids grew heavy and started to close, until she suddenly pushed the bottle away. He expected a cry, but instead she looked at him with big eyes and croaked out, “Dah-dee...nigh night.”

“Goodnight, sweet Marley Mae,” he whispered as her eyes closed again. “Daddy loves you.”

***

“Oh, come on, Sonny! Put ‘em together in the picture! It’ll be adorable!” Bella demanded, and Sonny sighed, then put his camera down.

“Okay, okay. Hang on a sec.” He adjusted the play wings that Bella had given his daughter for Christmas so they were semi-straight on Marley’s back. Bella had asked for him to take Rosie’s one-month pictures at her place, and she’d paid for a terrific setup--a sweet bassinet, a beautiful cream-colored gown, a fancy baby headband, even wings that attached to the back of Rosie’s gown. Marley had insisted on wearing her own wings today, and pretty much every day since Christmas, telling them, “Mar-wee angel!”. Of course, they’d fed into it, because how could they not? Clearly, Bella won the “Best Gift from an Auntie or Uncle” award for the year.

“Okay, Marley, let’s take a picture with Rosie now!” He walked the toddler over to her baby cousin who was lying in the bassinet, looking like a dream. “Let’s sit with Rosie, okay?” He sat Marley down behind the bassinet, and Marlene looked up at him confusedly as he stepped back and grabbed his camera.

“Here, baby!” Bella cried, snapping her fingers near Sonny’s head to get Marley’s attention.

“She has a name, Bells...and you don’t need to be so loud! Isn’t Rosie gonna wake up?” Sonny adjusted the lens on his camera.

“You’re supposed to be kind of loud around them, so they learn to sleep through the noise. Don’t you know anything, Dad of the Year?” She nudged him teasingly, and he stuck his tongue out at her.

“I know your baby’s gonna miss her one month photos if you don’t quit,” he grumbled at her.

“She’s not just a baby...she’s an angel, Uncle Sonny. Don’t you dare forget it! My sweet angel...right, Marley Mae?” Bella leaned down and kissed Rosie’s head gently, then stepped back.

“Are we ready now?” Sonny asked, and Bella rolled her eyes. 

“Angel, Dah-dee.” Sonny felt a sharp elbow in his side from his sister, who was pointing at the bassinet. Marley was on her knees, wings askew behind her, leaning over Rosie and placing sweet kisses to her head. “Bay-bee angel.”

“Two angels,” Bella said softly as Sonny’s camera clicked quickly, capturing a moment they’d never forget. 


	3. Christmas Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grammy holds her annual Christmas Cookie Exchange, and Jesse's invited to join Marley and Sonny for a cookie extravaganza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading!
> 
> The christmas cookie recipe that Marley and Jesse makes is one I grew up with. It's basically a package of white coating chocolate that's melted in the microwave (go 30 second intervals and stir so it won't burn). Add a cup of peanuts and a cup or two of pretzel sticks. You can break these down if you want, and fiddle with amounts. Stir it and drop by spoonfuls onto wax paper. You need to work pretty quickly so it doesn't set up, but if it does, nuke it again for a few more seconds to soften it. Let it harden on the wax paper, and voila! You're a cookie/candy genius! Not really, but they are so good, and it's easy enough I've made them with preschoolers! You can add other ingredients if you want, dye the chocolate red or green, or just fiddle with it however you want. It's hard to mess it up!
> 
> Kudos and comments always help me figure out what I'm doing and where I need to go in these fics, so please don't hesitate if you're thinking about dropping a comment! Thanks so much for reading--hope you enjoy this one!

Every Friday night, since she was about five years old, Marlene spends the night with one of her grands. And when it’s time to go to Grammy and Grampy’s, she knows exactly how her time will be spent. She’ll play and watch TV until dinnertime, then they’ll eat together. She’ll help clean up after dinner, and then she and Grammy will make cookies.

They always make cookies. They use a lot of different recipes, and some of them are weird. One summer they experimented with a bunch of odd ingredients, half of which they’d never heard of before. One time they gave an entire batch to Mr. Williams, who lives next door, because he told Grammy he’d eat anything and she believed him. Those cookies were a big miss, as Grammy said. Grammy decided after those that matcha was best used for tea, and they’d try some other things instead.

But as much as Marley loves their cookie-making dates, her absolute favorite cookie time is Christmas. They start making Christmas cookies at the beginning of December, and they always freeze some. Deb picks Marley up from school twice a week and they bake each of those afternoons. A week before Christmas, Deb hosts a cookie exchange, and anyone who would like can bring cookies to share. You can take home as many as you bring, so Marley and Sonny always bake a few dozen also. 

This year, Jesse is invited to go with Marley to the cookie exchange, and they’re both very excited. “I can’t wait!” Jesse tells Marley a few days before the party. “I love cookies! Uncle Sonny will be there, right?”

Marley tries not to let it bother her that her friend sometimes seems more interested in being around her daddy than her. She knows Jesse really wishes her own dad was there. She remembers how awful it felt last year when Daddy and Papi weren’t living together. “He’ll be there. He’s bringing candy cane cookies--he makes them every year. Do you know what you’re going to bring?”

Jesse’s expression changes to one of slight panic. “I’m supposed to bring cookies?” she asks. “I don’t even know how to bake. I don’t even know how to make microwave mac and cheese!”

Marley smiles. Jesse is so much better than her at everything, it sometimes seems...she’s prettier, funnier, and all the kids like her, especially the boys. None of the boys like Marley yet, not like they like Jesse. It’s nice to see her friend needs her help. “It’s okay,” she tells her. “I’ll help you...just come over Saturday morning, and we’ll make some for you to take.”

When Jesse shows up Saturday morning around ten, she’s got money that Aunt Amanda gave her to pay for cookie ingredients, plus an empty container for her cookies. Sonny tells her to give the money back to her mom, and Marley helps her melt the white coating chocolate in the microwave, then stir it and add peanuts and pretzels. They drop it by spoonfuls, and by the time they finish, Jesse feels like she’s been a baker her whole life, and Marley sneaks Rafael two of the finished cookies. She knows how much he loves sweet and salty.

***

“We are so glad you could make it today, Jesse!” Deb hugs both girls at the end of the party as they get ready to leave. “Did you get all of the cookies you wanted?”

It’s really a silly question. Grammy’s house has been filled with family and friends all day--aunts and uncles and cousins and seconds of all of those, plus friends and neighbors that Marley’s been exchanging cookies with since she could walk. And Grammy has all those extra freezer dozens, so nobody walks away with less than they wanted.

Jesse nods enthusiastically. “Oh yes ma’am! My mom and little sister will really like to try these! Thanks so much for letting me come with Marley and Uncle Sonny. It was a lot of fun!”

“Well, you’ll just have to come back again!” Grammy says kindly, and Marley knows she means it. Something in her stomach rolls a little funny, and she recognizes the feeling as the same one she gets when Daddy gives Jesse a hug that feels just a little too fatherish.

The girls sit together on the ferry, a bit away from Sonny, who’s texting someone and occasionally chuckling. It’s chilly outside, and Marley pulls her puffer coat a little closer. “Want a cookie?” Jesse offers as she pulls out a frosted sugar cookie. Marley smiles but shakes her head. She can’t believe Jesse is still eating sugar--despite Grammy’s offer of chili and snacks, the majority of their diet today has been cookies, and Marley’s stomach is starting to hurt.

“Do you ever think,” Jesse muses between slow bites, “how amazing it is that you landed in a family with so many people who think you’re awesome?”

Marley stares at her friend. No, she hadn’t thought about that, not in a long time, at least. But Jesse is right. None of these people HAVE to love her, but they do. She has a big, loving family, enough to make 34 different kinds of cookies. She smiles at Jesse and wraps an arm around her in a side hug. “Well, there’s always room for you, too,” she tells Jesse, who smiles too as she finishes her cookie.

And when they get home and Sonny gives Jesse a hug goodbye that feels a bit too fatherish, Marley thinks about her 34 different cookies, and her amazing family that thinks she’s awesome. And her stomach doesn’t roll at all.


	4. Christmas Cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael is tasked with taking 5 year old Marlene to the mall to get a picture with Santa for their holiday cards. Let's just say some tasks are easier than others!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi and thanks for reading!
> 
> My friends with kids send the cutest little photo cards now, and I love them! I kind of HC that Sonny always takes the Christmas photos for the cards, but apparently this year has been too crazy. I'll be honest, I am absolutely loving writing these advent ficlets, and each one I write I think is my favorite one when I'm writing it, haha. So yes, this one is my favorite so far! Until I write the one for tomorrow...
> 
> I'm dedicating this ficlet to all the little Marleys out there, and also to all the Rafaels, who are doing their absolute best to raise them. Hope you enjoy!

“I thought you wanted to see Santa,” Rafael says as they stand in the line at the mall. Marley has crossed her arms and there’s an angry frown on her face. Rafael’s trying hard to avoid the same expression. Visiting Santa wasn’t exactly on the top of his wish list today, either.

“That isn’t weally him,” she says, clearly irritated, and Rafael glances from his daughter to the mall Santa and back again. “Wook at him. He’s got a fake beard and...and...and no weal belly.” She waves one hand toward him, as though she’s critiquing a piece of art. “ And his outfit is ugly! He must think kids are dumb. I don’t wanna take a picture with a fake ugly Santa. I’ll wook wike a dork.”

Rafael isn’t sure if he wants to laugh or cry, so he bites the inside of his cheek until the urge passes. All he knows is that he was sent to the mall with the task of returning with a holiday photo they could use as a quick stand-in for their Christmas cards this year. Sonny is working overtime for the third day in a row, and if they’re going to get anything out, it’s got to be done today.

“But it’s really you that people will look at, and you’re gorgeous,” he says, trying to flatter her into a good mood. “Just think, you’ll be so beautiful nobody will even notice the big guy.”

She turns slowly and shoots him a look that says clearly, the only dork here is HIM.

“Honey, look. We need a picture to put on our Christmas cards this year. That’s why Daddy asked us to do this--he didn’t have the time to take you or to take the pictures himself. So let’s just do it, okay?” He raised his eyebrows and smiled, trying to make it appeal to her sense of cooperation and necessity.

“If you want it so bad, why don’t YOU sit on Ugly Santa’s wap, Papi? YOU can be the dork!” 

Well, there it is...his approach isn’t working. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but it isn’t going to kill you to take one picture with Ugly Santa. You don’t even have to sit in his lap. Just smile for one second and get it over with, and I’ll buy you an ice cream after, okay?” He nudges her forward as Santa’s Helper motions for her.

“C’mon, honey. It’s your turn! Come have a seat in Santa’s lap!” Santa’s Helper points to the big guy’s lap, and even Rafael flinches in discomfort.

“No thank you,” Marley says, eyeing Ugly Santa skeptically. “I think I wanna stand wight here.”

“Ho ho ho! That’s just fine! What’s your name, little girl?” Ugly Santa asks as he scratches at his belly. Rafael can imagine there’s a bottle hidden behind the elaborate throne the guy is sitting on.

“Mar-wayne Barba-Carisi. Isn’t Santa s’posed to know my name?”

“Ho ho,” he replies, “I’m old so I forget. What did you want for Christmas?”

Marlene meets Rafael’s gaze and purposefully rolls her eyes, and he suddenly has a massive sympathy pang for his mother and what it must’ve been like to raise him. And then Marlene is answering Ugly Santa’s question. “Art stuff. It was all in my wetter. Don’t you wead your mail?”

Santa looks like he could use a drink. “The elves help with that, honey. Why don’t we take a picture, and then we’ll get you a candy cane? Step just a little closer so we’re both in the photo...there you go…”

Rafael releases a nervous sigh as Marlene scoots closer to Santa. The helper moves behind the camera. “Say ‘Christmas!’”she directs, “Big smiles!” Rafael relishes in a brief second of relief as Marley smiles her biggest, cheesiest smile.

“Tristmas!” she says loudly in her fakest happy voice, just in case anyone wasn’t looking, then sticks out her tongue at the flash

Rafael feels his ears turn red, then his cheeks, then his nose as the helper hands him the photo and his daughter happily skips up to him, candy cane in hand. “You wook wike Wudolph, Papi,” she notes, biting her candy cane. “Don’t worry. Ice tream will tool you off. Wet’s go!”

***

“Now that’s how ALL Christmas cards should be!” Fin is nearly doubled over at his desk, still laughing ten minutes after receiving his card from the Barba-Carisis. It’s a 4x6 postcard-style photo of a weary and sad-looking mall Santa faking an awful smile, and a short, well-dressed little girl standing to his side, eyes wide and tongue stuck out. The caption reads: “We hope he brings you something better than what he’s bringing her! Merry Christmas! Love, Sonny, Rafael, Marlene, and Pru”.

Amanda is snickering next to him, and Liv rounds the corner just then, back from a meeting at 1PP. “Oh, here, Captain,” Sonny hands her a card in its envelope and grins. “Merry Christmas.”

Liv’s eyes dart from Sonny to Amanda, then to Fin. “What’s the joke?” she asks, opening the envelope and pulling the card out. One glance and her hand rises to cover her mouth, first in shock, then in laughter. “Did you tell her to do that?” she asks.

“What?” Sonny acts offended. “Of course not! In fact, her papi rescinded his ice cream bribe and she had to spend time in her room thinking about why it’s not okay to be rude to Santa Claus, even if he looks fake and ugly.” Pointing out the caption, he adds, “I came up with that little number. Poor Rafael was too traumatized to even look.”

“He hasn’t seen it yet?” Liv asks.

Sonny chuckles. “Oh, he will. It’s been framed in at least four of our relatives’ houses, and I’m making it into a customized ornament for him for Christmas.” He grins again. “With gifts like this, we’re gonna be married forever.”


	5. Egg Nog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At Lucia's Christmas party, Rafael and Sonny sneak off to christen a closet after imbibing in a little too much eggnog.
> 
> **EXPLICIT FICLET**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi and thanks for reading!
> 
> Is it wrong to write sex for advent? 
> 
> I'm going with no, that these two are married and sex is a beautiful gift from God. Just know that this ficlet is all about sex. There's really nothing else to it. If that's not your thing, I promise there will be something different tomorrow!
> 
> Honestly, I can't write these two without sex. I believe they'd have a very active and satisfying sex life together, and it's a huge part of how they express their love for one another. Apparently, it's also one way they christen new real estate owned by family members.
> 
> Kudos and comments rock! Happy Holidays to everyone and I hope you enjoy!

“Your mother sure can throw a party,” Sonny giggles, leaning into Rafael more closely than he needs to. “And that egg nog...she needs to pass along the recipe.”

Rafael chuckles at his husband. “How many cups of that did you drink, anyway?” he asks, low, so nobody can hear him. They’re crammed in the closet in his mother’s guest room. They’d originally thought they’d be okay in the guest room itself, but after closing the door, Rafael was worried somebody would hear them. His mother recently bought this place, a decent two-bedroom apartment in a nice Brooklyn area, so he isn’t familiar with the acoustics.

“No more than you, my party animal,” Sonny teases as Rafael slips a hand up, under the bottom of his henley, stroking his back as he sucks on Sonny’s jaw. Sonny lets out a sound somewhere between a giggle and a moan, which causes Rafael to giggle in return.

“Okay, okay...lean against the wall,” Rafael says softly, roughly pushing Sonny’s hip back. Sonny loses his balance briefly, stumbling back and grunting, then giggling again as Rafael drops to his knees and accidentally hits his head on his husband’s knee. “Ow! Shit,” he cries before giggling again. Sonny’s still laughing as quietly as he can while he strokes the top of Rafael’s head. Rafael paws quickly at Sonny’s jeans, managing to unfasten them, and yanks the jeans and boxer briefs down his husband’s thighs, just far enough for Sonny’s erection to spring free. It happens to collide with Rafael’s nose, and Sonny snorts this time.

“Ssh! Shut UP!” Rafael whispers, still giggling himself, as he wraps a fist around Sonny’s length and pumps him a handful of times. “God, you’re perfect,” he murmurs then, and Sonny’s giggling stops. “Perfect for me...love this cock, Soleado.” A moment later, he’s swallowed a good amount of length, relishing in the warmth and weight in his mouth, and Sonny looks down, stroking Rafael’s cheek with his fingers.

Rafael puts forth his best effort in a quick and messy blow, adding fingers to stroke Sonny’s balls and eventually rub around his hole. They’re both giddily drunk, and the alcohol is adding to the excitement. Rafael ups the ante again, slurping as he moves back and forth, and Sonny grips his hair and tugs. “Fuck, baby, I’m there...I’m there I’m there I’m...YES!”

Rafael braces himself and swallows greedily until a random bit of cum surprises him and he hacks loudly, pulling back to cough. At that moment, he feels Sonny’s jism land across his cheek and in his hair. He winces, wiping it off with his hand, and Sonny’s heavy breathing turns into giggling once again. “It’s so not funny, Sunshine,” Rafael grunts at him, rubbing his hand on the bottom of Sonny’s henley, then starts to giggle himself. 

Sonny pulls up his pants and fastens them, then helps Rafael to his feet and kisses him deeply. “You taste like cum and Christmas,” he announces, sounding quite pleased, and reaches past Rafael to open the closet door. They stumble out, straightening themselves. Rafael looks Sonny over, helping to adjust his shirt, and Sonny fixes Rafael’s hair, grinning at the small bit of hair still damp from his cum. “Mary,” he snickers, then kisses Rafael again and heads toward the door.

“Slow down!” Rafael whines, following him. “What are you in such a hurry for?”

“More eggnog, of course!” Sonny grins, opening the door and heading back down the hallway toward the party.


	6. Red Kettles and Ringing Bells (Salvation Army)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Barba-Carisis are familiar with one of the local homeless, a man named Jay, who is a veteran with mental health issues. When Rafael runs into Jay, it's because he's acquired a job ringing a bell for the Salvation Army. Jay is happy to report he's doing better and actually has a room in a halfway house now, and the family thinks of what they can put together for him in his new place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi and thanks for reading!
> 
> First and foremost, this is not necessarily an endorsement for Salvation Army. Like most charities, there's some good and some bad, and it's important to research and figure out where your money is best spent. That being said, volunteering with my kids as a bell ringer one year is a memory that stands out in my mind at the holidays. Christmas always makes me think of giving, and volunteering time is certainly one way to do that. At that time, i was a teacher with a husband in school and two little kids, so money was tight, but I could come up with a few hours one weekend to ring a bell with my kids. There's always a way to give something--at least for me.
> 
> i can't really think of any other notes for this chapter...so on with the fun! Kudos and comments are so lovely, if you are able! Hope you enjoy today!

There’s a Salvation Army Santa on one of the paths to Marlene’s preschool. He’s there faithfully every afternoon, ringing his bell and kindly greeting the folks who pass by. Rafael and Sonny know him as one of the local homeless; his name is Jay and they see him off and on throughout the year. Both men have chatted with him from time to time and learned he is a veteran who suffers from significant mental health issues. When he’s medicated, he’s pleasant and kind like he is now. When he’s not, he’s disruptive until the police are called. Then he disappears for awhile, until he eventually comes back medicated and pleasant and kind again. It’s a sad cycle that the husbands have seen far too often in their work.

Rafael is glad to see Jay is back and stops on his way to pick up Marley, asking the man how he’s doing.

“Real good, real good,” he says, flashing a grin lacking several teeth. “Back on my meds and I got me a bed in a halfway house now. Even got me this job here, until December twenty-fourth! But if I stay on my meds this time, they say I can stay at the house and they’ll help me find another job in January.”

“That’s terrific,” Rafael tells him sincerely. “You need anything for your new place?”

Jay scrunches up his face as though he’s considering options. “Ya know, Mr. Rafael, I’d like me some books. I ain’t read nothin’ in a long while and they don’t like me comin’ in the libraries here. If you got any leftover books, I’d mighty appreciate it.” He rings his bell and calls “Merry Christmas!” to a family walking by, and the teenaged son tosses some change into his kettle. “Thank you!” Jay tells him with a wide smile, then turns back to Rafael. “Tell Mr. Sonny that I still got his jacket from before...see? I kept it real safe and in good condition.” He models the jacket he’s wearing, an old one of Sonny’s that’s a bit too long but is warm and doesn’t have any holes. “And tell Miss Princess I said hey.”

He always calls Marlene “Miss Princess”, even though he knows her name. The first time she met Jay, she was a toddler and in Sonny’s arms. She kept her head buried against her daddy as Jay spoke to her, until he grinned. Sonny had been afraid his grin would scare her, but instead, the toddler laughed great big belly laughs. That was the moment in which Sonny learned that Jay had a daughter himself, living in Oregon with his ex-girlfriend. 

“I’ll certainly do those things. Which house is it that you’re living in? Sonny and I might stop by with some books and a few things.” He pulls out his phone and makes a note of the address Jay gives him. 

A few minutes later, he’s strolling along to Marlene’s school while thinking about a package of goodies they could easily put together and drop off for the man. Only when he sees his little girl on the playground waving at him does his mind shift gears and stop thinking about Jay.

***

“But what tan I give Jay?” Marlene asks on Saturday as they are gathering items to take to the halfway house. “I wanna give him a present too.”

“Could you draw him a picture, maybe?” Rafael suggests.

She shakes her head. “Nah. He don’t got a family, wight Papi? I bet he needs some Tristmas tookies! I tan give him some of those!” Marley, Sonny, and Deb had all been baking Christmas cookies over the last couple weeks, gearing up for their big cookie exchange, so it was on her mind.

“Not a bad idea,” Sonny says as he considers it. “I think we’ll have enough. What do you think, Rafi?”

Rafael snickers, “I think if you don’t, you’ll just make more. I think it’s a great idea!”

Sonny helps Marlene get a plastic container with a lid, then pick out several Christmas cookies to share. “And milk, Daddy!” she exclaims, eyeing her cookies. “He’s gonna need a WOT of milk!”

“I think he has milk at his house...anyway, we don’t have any here that we can give him,” Sonny says, ending her plan. She frowns at him.

“Okay, I think we’ve got it--anything else?” Rafael asks, looking at the few boxes they’ve put together and feeling satisfied.

“I think we’re good,” Sonny tells him, smiling. They’ve got a couple of clean blankets, some casual clothing from each man, some extra toiletries, and Rafael’s old kindle, with a huge library on it. He can easily show Jay how to use it, and if he needs money, he might be able to get a little something for it. They’ve also stuck in a small tabletop tree that’s pre decorated, and Sonny packed one of his bibles. He knows Jay is a believer from their conversations, and that he lost his bible a few years ago on the street.

“Don’t forget my tookies!” Marlene tells them, handing the box to Sonny, who shakes his head.

“Go get your coat on. You can give your cookies to Jay yourself, okay?”

She nods excitedly and runs back to her room. By the time she returns, both men are ready to put the boxes in the SUV.

***

It’s about two p.m. when they get to the halfway house, and Rafael is glad, because this is not a place he would ever bring his daughter after dark. But he and Sonny agree that she needs to have a giving spirit and learn that not everyone is as fortunate as her. He can tell she’s already thinking because she’s watching three little kids playing on the porch. One has on a dirty and torn pink coat; the other two have no coats at all. It’s chilly out and he watches his daughter pull her coat more closely around her as Sonny hands her the cookie box.

Once inside, they’re greeted by a woman who’s the manager of the house. She says her name is Joyce and walks them down to Jay’s room. Sonny knocks on his door and he opens it quickly, and he grins as soon as he sees them. “Mr. Sonny and Mr. Rafael! You came! Come in, come in...and hello, Miss Princess,” he greets Marlene, taking a bow as though she were real royalty. “How are you this fine day?”

Marlene smiles shyly and hangs close to Rafael. “Good. We bringed you some stuff, Mr. Jay!” She hands him the box of cookies. She likes Jay, especially when he smiles at her, because his eyes go soft and look very, very kind. But he always smells a little yucky and his teeth can be scary sometimes, so she likes to stay close to her dads.

“Oh my word! Look at that!” Jay says, opening the package and taking one cookie, then offering them to his guests. “These are delicious! Did you make these, Miss Princess? What a special gift!”

Marley nods. “Me an’ Daddy made ‘em tause we are gonna have a big tookie party at my grammy’s house. Do you got milk, Mr. Jay? Tause you need milk with tookies.”

Jay shakes his head. “But ya know what, Miss Princess? I’ll have to get me some when I get to the store next. I thank you so much, Miss Princess. You are just the sweetest girl!”

They stay for a few minutes so that Rafael can show Jay how the kindle works; at first, he seems a little overwhelmed, but within a few minutes he’s easily navigating the device and is thrilled. “It’s like ya gave me an entire library for my own, Mr. Rafael! Thank y’all so much!”

They get ready to leave, and as they’re stepping into the hallway, Marlene turns around, digging in her pocket, and pulls out a handful of change. “Hey Mr. Jay,” she calls, interrupting the adult goodbyes, “I gotted this change for you so you tan get some milk, otay? Here you go.” The three men look shocked as she hands over the coins from her allowance. 

Jay looks confused as to what to do, but Sonny encourages him to take it. “She wants to give it to you, and she’s right--those cookies are great with milk!” 

Jay carefully takes the coins from the little girl, and Rafael can see the tears in his eyes. He’s praying they’re from gratitude and not humiliation. “Thank you, Miss Princess,” Jay says again, and this time it’s a whisper. “You’re a real good girl.”

They walk back outside, stepping around the kids on the porch, and Sonny helps Marlene into the back seat of the SUV. He hears the tail end of the question as he’s getting in.

“--I have my other one at home, the one Abby gived me wast year. That girl don’t have one at all, Papi. Please tan I give it to her? I know she’s told.”

Rafael turns to Sonny. “She wants to give that child the coat she has on. She’s right, she has another one at home--”

“A couple, if I’m thinking correctly...although the blue one is lighter…” He turns in his seat to see his daughter’s face. “If you give it away, you’ll have to make do with the coat that you have at home, remember. We aren’t going to buy another coat right now.”

She shrugs. “That’s okay, Daddy. I weally wanna give it to her. Please?”

Rafael and Sonny look at each other. “Okay,” Rafael agrees. “I’ll go with you.”

Sonny watches as they walk back up the sidewalk to the porch. The little girl is about Marlene’s size, which means she’s probably even younger...maybe three. The older girl with her talks to Rafael, and Sonny sees some nodding, then Marley takes off her coat and hands it to the littlest girl, who pulls it on immediately and smiles. Then everyone is laughing and smiling, and a minute later his husband and daughter are back in the car.

“Daddy guess what? That little girl didn’t got no toat tause her momma’s been sick and she don’t got no daddy an’ the social worker’s s’posed to bring her somethin’ to get one but she ain’t done it yet...hey Papi, what’s a social worker?”

Their short drive home is filled with answering questions about social workers and halfway houses and poverty, and when Rafael goes to unfasten Marlene’s carseat and help her out, he finds her crying. “Hey, hey lovey,” he says gently, “why are you crying?”

“Tause there are tids who don’t got toats, Papi...and Mr. Jay don’t got no family to make him tookies, and...and...and I wish the whole world got enough family and tookies and warm toats. Tan I write another wetter to Santa and ask for that?”

He scoops her into his arms and presses a kiss to her cheek. “You certainly can, princesa,” he tells her. “You certainly can.”


	7. Caroling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael and Marley are at Lucia's home, helping to care for things as she's going through radiation therapy. On this particular night, they get some special visitors, thanks to Lucia's partner, Mateo.  
> **Trigger warning: breast cancer/treatment mentions (nothing specific)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi and thanks for reading!
> 
> This ficlet references some events in Finishing the Foundation, which occurs roughly a year before this fic. Lucia is recovering from treatment for breast cancer. She is also dating a man who used to work for her at the charter school. Mateo is kind and Marley loves him; Rafael has been more standoffish in the past.
> 
> I know very little about breast cancer treatment, so I have tried to keep references low and general, but if you see anything that's absolutely incorrect, please let me know and I will change it.
> 
> I love to headcanon Lucia as someone who was, in her younger years, sexy and impulsive and lived large at times. That's part of what has made it hard for Rafael to forgive her--while she never abused him like his father, her neglect in the face of the physical abuse has made it hard to let go of the past.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“You comfortable there, Mami?” Rafael asks, tucking another pillow against his mother’s side. She is on the couch, resting from radiation therapy. It’s been a long year, but she’s almost done with this round and the doctor is talking very positively.

“I’m fine, mijo. You really don’t need to stay...Mateo will be back soon. I’ll be fine.” She’s trying to reassure him, even though she knows he’s probably going to stay. They’ve become much closer in the last year as she’s gone through treatment. She’s hesitant to say breast cancer as a gift, but it has brought her son back to her in a way she’d never imagined, and for that she is inherently grateful.

“I’m almost done with your Christmas tree, Abby,” Marley tells her, adjusting a final ornament on a small branch toward the back. “Do you like it? I think it’s pretty good.”

“I love it, my sweet querida! Mateo is going to be so happy that you were able to finish it for him,” she tells her six-year old granddaughter. Marlene loves to help in any way she can, and working on the tree has kept her busy while her dad has tackled some other house chores. Mateo, Lucia’s partner, helps a tremendous amount, but he still lives in his own apartment and it’s hard to maintain two separate homes while he’s teaching full time.

Marley curls up on the couch next to Lucia and wraps an arm around her. “I love you, Abby,” she says as Rafael enters the room once more, bringing a plate of cookies and handing it to his daughter. He heads back to the kitchen and when he returns, he has three mugs of cocoa.

“I’m sorry Querido couldn’t be here tonight,” Lucia sighs. “He’s a hard worker, that one...just like your papi.” She nudges Marley, then nods to Rafael. “You have two hard-working fathers. A lot to be grateful for, ninita.”

A knock on the door catches their attention, and Rafael rises to answer it. Upon opening it, he recognizes a group of teachers and other professionals his mother has worked with over the years, and he immediately feels his heart warm. Before he can greet them, they began to sing.

_ Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree _

_ For me, _

_ I’ve been an angel all year _

_ Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight! _

He recognizes one of his mother’s favorite Christmas songs and breaks into a huge grin, then swings the door open wide so Lucia and Marlene can see.

From their seats on the couch, they have a perfect view. He watches as his mother’s hand lands over her mouth, then drops to reveal a gorgeous smile. Marley’s never seen carolers before, and she’s looking back and forth between her grandmother, her papi, and the door. “They sound so good, Abby!” she says, hugging her grandmother, as the group launches into Feliz Navidad:

_ Feliz Navidad! Feliz Navidad _

_ Feliz Navidad _

_ Prospero Ano y Felicidad! _

Rafael disappears into the kitchen to put together a tray of cookies. Marley can feel her abuelita’s smile against her own, with their cheeks pressed together; she recognizes Mateo among the carolers. “Look, Abby! Mateo’s singin’ for us!”

Lucia hugs her granddaughter. “I know, querida! Isn’t it wonderful, the music they’ve brought!”

The carolers sing a handful more songs--God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Away in a Manger, and, for Marley, Rudolph--before finishing off with We Wish You A Merry Christmas. Rafael, Lucia, and Marley clap and cheer, thanking them for coming by. “We can’t invite you in because Mom’s doctors would kill me,” Rafael says, “but please have some cookies. And thank you so, so much!”

A little later, Mateo comes by, bringing the empty cookie plate back. Lucia kisses and hugs him, even with her son in the room, and Rafael can’t help but feel happy for her. He’s never seen his mother be treated so sweetly by a man before, and it makes him want to cry.

Mateo is in the kitchen washing the plate a few minutes later as Rafael and Marley are preparing to leave, and Rafael sets the empty cocoa mugs on the counter next to him. “Thank you,” Rafael says quietly. “I’ve never seen a man treat my mother with the respect you do. You’re a gift to our family, Mateo. I hope you know that.”

Mateo turns and smiles at him. “I love her, you know. She’s a gift to me, too.”

In the uber, on the way home, Marley says, “I think Abby and Mateo love each other. Are they gonna get married?”

“I don’t know,” Rafael tells her, squeezing her little hand. “But it’s always nice when people love each other, huh?”


	8. Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two-year old Marlene experiences snow for the first time, and her dads are there for every bit of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is really nothing here but fluff. This is the cotton candy of fiction. Not a plot to be found, just a cute little girl and her daddies experiencing the first snow of the year, and her first snowfall ever.
> 
> I would love to have them make snow cream or something, but I was worried that NYC snow might not be clean enough? I don't know so I erred on the side of caution. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this fluffy bit of sweetness!

  
  


The first time Marlene experiences snow, she’s two years old. The year before, she’d had RSV and her dads had kept her inside under strict orders from the doctors. But now, her system is strong enough to handle the germs she’ll encounter regularly, and Sonny can’t wait for his baby to see and touch and taste the wonder that is snow.

It happens one day in early December. Sonny’s at his desk, staring at the screen in front of him, when he gets a text from his husband. “Look out your window” it says, and when he does, a wide smile takes over his face. He’s scheduled to be off in twenty more minutes, just like Rafael, and they both already know how they’ll be spending the evening.

By the time Sonny gets home, Deb has gotten Marlene dressed in her snowsuit, hood, mittens, and boots. Everything is color coordinated, a pretty lavender, and he thinks she looks like the Grimace character from the McDonald’s of his childhood. “Hi Dah-dee!” she waves, and tries to run to him but trips over the thickness of her snowsuit, and it takes every bit of his self-control not to laugh. It’s truly the cutest, funniest thing he’s seen. Determinedly, she pulls herself back up partway before tilting again, this time to the side, and rolling over, and now both Carisis are laughing. As the little girl tries again to right herself, Sonny scoops her up, under the arms, and sets her back on her feet. She turns around until she can see him, her view partially obscured by her hood. “Fanks, Dah-dee!” she exclaims excitedly. “Marwee go outside now!”

“Very soon,” he tells her. “We have to wait for Papi. He wants to go too!”

She appears to be thinking about this piece of news, then pulls on his sleeve. “Marwee go wif Dah-dee,” she says, then points at Deb. “Pah-pi go wif Grammy!”

Before he has to break her little heart, the door opens again and Rafael rushes in, dusting the snow off of his black coat. “Give me two minutes,” he says to Sonny, hurrying to the bedroom.

“Pah-pi go peepee?” Marley asks Sonny, and figuring it’s easiest, Sonny nods.

“I bet that’s it, Marley Mae. Papi had to go peepee.” Deb is snickering, pulling on her own gloves, then kisses her son and granddaughter goodbye. Rafael joins them a moment later, and he’s changed into his puffer jacket and out of his wool coat. Sonny doesn’t blame him. The amount his husband spent on that coat makes his head spin.

They take the elevator to the rooftop community garden, and even with the wind, Sonny hears Marlene gasp in surprise. “Stuff!” she yells, pointing to the sky. “Stuff fall down and hit Marwee, Dah-dee!” She’s walking aimlessly with her head turned toward the sky, and Rafael blocks her first potential fall into the plants. Sonny chuckles, pulling out his phone camera, as Rafael ensures their daughter stays out of the plants.

“Stand still, princesa,” he tells her, kneeling down and holding her by the shoulders. “Good girl! Now you can look up! What is it, do you know?”

Sonny laughs, recording the two. “How would she know, Rafi? She’s never seen it before!”

“Sure she has,” Rafael corrects him. “She just hasn’t been out IN it before!” Turning back to his daughter, he says, “Do you know what it is, mija? It’s snow!”

Her eyes are still focused on the sky above, but this new bit of information is interesting. “Snow!” she calls loudly, then laughs. It lands on her face and she wipes it off. “Uh-oh! Snow hit Marwee Mae, Pah-pi,” she tells him, unsure of how to respond. Seeing him grinning at her, she laughs again, kneeling and grabbing her belly. “Uh-oh! Snow hit Pah-pi!” she squeals.

“Taste it, baby!” Sonny tells her, sticking his tongue out and catching a flake. Marley does the same.

“Marwee Mae eat snow!” she giggles. She tries to catch it, and takes a mittened hand to Rafael. “Pah-pi...where it go? Where snow?”

“It melted,” he tells her, knowing she won’t understand. “It went away.”

“Bye-bye?” she asks, big green eyes focusing on his as he nods. “Snow go bye-bye.” She turns to Sonny. “Dah-dee! Snow go bye bye!” 

“I see!” he tells her, then squeezes her little mittened hands in his. Her cheeks are bright pink, and he knows his own must be too. Rafael’s nose is red, and they should probably go in, but it’s a beautiful night with a beautiful snowfall, and sharing moments like this with their daughter are incredibly special. Deciding he’s recorded enough, he turns his camera off and tucks it back in his pocket.

“Marwee told,” she tells Rafael a minute later. “Marwee SO told!” She presses her little face against his thigh, trying to block it from the wind.

“Okay, you ready to go inside now, dolly?” Sonny asks her, and when she nods, Rafael picks her up and they trudge back into the building, taking the elevator back to their floor. Sonny quickly sheds his coat, then puts on some hot cocoa, while Rafael helps Marley get out of her snowsuit and takes off his own coat.

They have hot cocoa, then soup and cheese toast for dinner, and Marley doesn’t even ask to see the snow again until after her bath. They watch the snowfall from her bedroom window. She’s snug in her papi’s arms, a blanket wrapped around them. Soon she drifts to sleep, and Rafael tucks their baby into her new toddler bed. Tomorrow is Saturday, and there will be lots of time to see more snow, but right now the best feeling in the world is the warmth they all get, inside together as a family.


	9. The Grinch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When nine-year old Marley asks for a little too much for Christmas, she triggers Rafael's inner grinch--and some bittersweet memories of his own ninth Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy December 9th! 
> 
> The animated Grinch special is my favorite Christmas special of all time, right up there with Heat Miser and Cold Miser (ooh! I might need to incorporate those two in a ficlet!). Having Christmas without the Grinch just would not be acceptable to me!
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying these fics as much as I'm enjoying writing them! This one's a little rough for both Rafael and Marlene, but thankfully, there's Sonny, and there's love, and there's Pru acting cute. Enjoy!

  
  


“I thought of something else I need!” Marley exclaimed. “A watch.”

Hearing her papi sigh heavily, she objected. “What? I really need one! You have one, and Daddy has one...don’t you even have like two or three, Papi? I need to know the time so I can, you know, get to where I’m supposed to be and stuff.” Her father still hadn’t spoken, so she decided to continue. “I’m only askin’ for stuff I really need, ya know! I’m nine and a half--”

“Exactly.” He cut her off sharply, setting down his paper and crossing his arms. “Marlene, so far you’ve asked for a cell phone, a new tablet, a TV with a firestick so you can stream in your room, three pairs of jeans, a pair of boots that cost almost as much as mine do, a coat, earrings, memberships for both music and books, and--God, what am I forgetting--”

“The games and the watch I just told you about?” she answered, clearly missing his point.

“Do you know how selfish and spoiled you sound?” His tone was still sharp, and as her expression changed to one of anger, he thought he saw a flash of something akin to hurt.

“I am NOT selfish, Papi! That’s mean! You’re just being selfish that you don’t wanna buy me presents at Christmas!” she exclaimed, defensive.

“I’ll tell you what,” Rafael returned angrily, “I’m going to take these ridiculous gifts the day after Christmas, return them all, buy you one copy of  _ A Christmas Carol  _ and put the rest of the money in your college savings account!”

She turned around and stomped her way partially down the hall before turning back. “You can put it all in there!” she yelled. “Daddy already bought me the movie and I’ve seen it three times!” She spun on her heel and stormed the rest of the way into her room, slamming the door.

***

It was after dinner, and Marley was curled up on the floor with Pru, watching Dr. Seuss’ “How The Grinch Stole Christmas”. Sonny was on the couch behind her, reviewing some notes for a case, and Rafael was finishing up the dishes in the kitchen. The Grinch had just decided to turn Max into a reindeer and tied a stick to his head, and Sonny chuckled. “I love this part,” he said, then glanced at Pru with a grin. “You’d make a great reindeer too, wouldn’t you, Juris Prudence?”

Pru’s tail smacked the floor a handful of times at her name. “She can be Papi’s reindeer,” Marley announced, scratching the dog’s belly. “Papi’s a grinch!”

Rafael stepped into the room, drying a mug. “Not wanting to cash in my 401k for your Christmas presents doesn’t make me a grinch, Marlene,” he replied, clearly still irritated. “It makes me financially savvy.”

Sonny glanced from one to the other, feeling the tension rise.

“Taking all your kid’s stuff and selling it the day after Christmas is exactly what a grinch would do! It’s the definition!” she told him. “It’s in the dictionary, I bet! I bet if you look up ‘grinch’, there’s a picture of you, holdin’ my stuff!” Marley huffed, now patting the dog, who was also glancing nervously around the room. Sonny was biting his lip; Marley’s delivery was on point and he wondered where she had heard it.

“You don’t OWN any stuff!” Rafael replied angrily. “Daddy and I own everything you have! We paid for it and we’re nice enough to let you use it--”

Sonny reached for his husband’s arm and patted it gently. “Hey, do you want to let me finish with the dishes and you can go take your shower, unwind? I can--”

“You’re bein’ SUCH a GRINCH!” Marley repeated loudly, standing up to stomp her foot. “It’s so NICE you let me use your girl dresses and girl panties, Pah-pi! I’ll be sure to give you THOSE!” Tears were in her eyes and her hands were balled in fists by her sides. Her papi had never been this unreasonable before, never this mean…

“Hey!” Sonny reached for her gently. “Don’t talk that way to Papi...and we all need to calm down, I think--”

“He was mean, first!” she cried, reaching up to rub her eyes. “I’m not selfish! I’m not a bad person! He’s just mad ‘cause I want stuff but when he was nine he only got a Snickers!”

Silence filled the room, with the exception of Marley’s sobbing. Sonny looked at Rafael; he was standing stiff, eyes closed, a single tear rolling down his cheek. 

Sonny reached over and pulled Marley to him, hugging her. “Did Abby tell you that?” he asked quietly, and her nod was enough. He turned back to Rafael, to somehow comfort him, but he was gone, and a second later the door to the master bedroom clicked shut.

***

She was right, he knew. This whole fucking day he’d exploded at her for just being a nine year old kid who wanted Christmas presents.

That year had been hard. His mother had lost her part time job at the market and his father’s work hours had been cut back. Miguel was drinking more and Lucia was just...gone. There wasn’t enough money for all of their bills, never mind for presents. The present they received for Christmas was their heat being turned back on, courtesy of an anonymous giver that he always suspected was his grandparents. They were in Miami for the month with relatives. On Christmas day, they had heat, and his mother had given him a candy bar she’d bought with her last dollar and promised the next Christmas would be better. It was, and they’d put it behind them. It wasn’t something he thought about very often, certainly not something he talked about. 

But something about Marlene’s behavior had brought it out of him today, and he had attacked her without provocation, calling her names and insulting her character in a way he’d never done before. In the past, he’d watched his little girl literally give the coat off her back. He’d seen her share her last bite of dessert, pass on her favorite used items, give money to people in need. He’d unfairly attacked her, not because she was selfish, but because he was jealous. Jealous of his own kid.

He rubbed his own eyes, hoping that he could forgive himself and make it right.

***

“Is there room for me?”

Sonny and Marlene both looked up at Rafael, who was standing at the end of the couch they were snuggled on. Sonny smiled warmly, sitting up and making room as Marlene moved away and pressed herself on the far end’s arm. Rafael hesitated for a second, wondering if he should try to sit between them, but realizing he needed to respect his daughter’s space, he took the seat provided to him and let Sonny stay in the middle. Sonny immediately wrapped an arm around him, sharing the lap blanket, and kissed his cheek.

“I don’t want to interrupt your show, but I need to tell you something, Marlene,” he started, and she turned to look at him. Her arms were crossed in front of her and she was frowning, and he could tell she’d cried quite a bit. Sonny started to stand, to leave them, but Rafael pulled his arm. “You, too, Soleado,” he said softly, so Sonny sat back down.

“You were right, Marlene. You’re not being selfish. You’re being nine. All of those things on your list sound like fun things, and I know you well enough to know you don’t expect Daddy and me to buy it all for you. If you don’t get it all, you’re still going to be happy with what you got. That’s who you are. You are a sweet girl who is happy with the things she gets. Maybe you ask for a little too much, but we can talk about that later.” He cleared his throat, then looked at his hands. “I didn’t know that Abby had told you about that Christmas. It was a very hard Christmas, and I don’t think about it very much, or I haven’t until this year. I didn’t have a Christmas list that year, because I knew there was no point. There wasn’t any money. There just...wasn’t.” He looked at his daughter, who was now watching him carefully. “Abby actually taught me a great lesson that year--she took the last dollar she had, went to the store, and spent it on a candy bar for me. She could have done a million things with it, but she gave it to me. As sad as we all were, as disappointed, I knew in that moment how much my mom loved me.” He smiled at the bittersweet memory. “I think hearing you so excited about so many gifts you might get...it reminded me of how it felt to have nothing, and how jealous I had felt of all my friends then, and believe it or not, I got jealous again.” He laughed softly. “I know it sounds absolutely crazy, huh? Your papi felt jealous of you for a minute, there.” His eyes darted to hers. “I’m so sorry, honey. I should have never said those things. I’m so very sorry.” He felt his gut tighten and his eyes well.

“S’okay, Papi,” he heard softly. “I’m sorry I called you a grinch. But you know what? The grinch becomes the nicest, most wonderful grinch at the end, remember?” Marley pulled back from him and poked at his chest. “Remember when his heart grew? To the size of ten grinches, plus two?” 

He caught her hand and, chuckling, kissed it. “You can be my Cindy Lou Who, always reminding me what’s important,” he told her, then pulled her into a hug.

Sonny wrapped his arms around both of them. “I love you guys.”

***

Christmas night, after everyone had settled down and gotten into pajamas, Sonny called his family to join him on the couch. “One final present for my loves,” he proclaimed, and handed it to Marlene to open. “It’s for all of us.”

She unwrapped a box and took off the lid. Inside was the DVD for the animated version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas along with three king size Snickers.

“You guys gave me something special this year,” Sonny said, tousling Marlene’s hair and squeezing Rafael’s hand. “A reminder that we all have the ability to be grinchy, and to turn it around and to love. And the Snickers is just a reminder that if all I have in this world is a candy bar, I’d share it with you two...because I love you more than anything.”

As the three of the snuggled together on the couch watching the Grinch carve roast beast, Sonny had to admit that a snickers bar had never tasted sweeter.


	10. Santa Claus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael takes two-year old Marley to the mall to see Santa with Liv and Noah. Little Marley then runs into Santa a second time at her family's Christmas party, where her daddy is playing the role.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry December 10th!
> 
> I am one of those moms who does not think it's okay to leave a screaming kid in Santa's lap. I realize we are talking about little irrational people who cry over dumb stuff. But you don't build trust with a person by laughing at their fear. IMO, it's not funny to leave someone who's scared shitless in that state when you have the means to correct it quickly. Obviously, in this story, Marlene's parents are not going to leave her in a state of fear and panic, even if she were being unreasonable. None of this happens here, but if it had, trust me...they would not have taken a humiliating picture of her and laughed about it for years to come. And for those who have had these pictures taken and think it's no big deal, I am truly glad it didn't upset you, but that doesn't mean it isn't upsetting to your child, or anyone else who experiences it.
> 
> Okay. Stepping off soap box.
> 
> The only warning I have for this story is that if you believe Santa is the one bringing you presents on Christmas day, you may want to skip this story. :-D
> 
> Hope the season is treating everyone well! Enjoy!

“Thanks for inviting us along,” Rafael tells Olivia. “We’ve been wanting to take her but we just can’t seem to make it work with our schedules lately.” They’re making their way toward the mall Santa, Marlene in her stroller and Noah holding Liv’s hand.

“I’m thrilled you could go!” Liv replies. “But is Sonny going to be disappointed that he didn’t get to make it? Isn’t this her first time seeing Santa?”

“It is, but he said not to worry about it.” He eyes Noah, and seeing the boy is paying no attention, adds, “It’s Sonny’s job to play the big guy this year at his family’s celebration, so he’s counting on that. He just wants me to get the picture.”

“That must be so fun.” They get in line, and Liv turns back to him. “I always wonder what it’s like to have a big family like he has. That must’ve taken some time to adjust for you...do you like it now? I mean, if you’ve got your own family Santa, the gatherings must be huge!”

Rafael chuckles. When he and Sonny first started dating, he was blown away by some of the gatherings. “Generally, just two a year are really big, and Christmas is one of them. Independence Day is the other. I swear, I think everyone on the east coast with a drop of Carisi DNA shows up for Independence Day. They do a big pool party and pot luck, and you can see the local fireworks from their backyard. It’s a good time and the food is amazing, but yeah, it can be a bit overwhelming.”

“Pah-pii! Pah-pii! Marwee up! Up, up!” his daughter cries, and he steps around to the front of the stroller, unfastening her and scooping her into his arms.

“Did you want to get out, mija?” he asks, straightening her little dress. She’s dressed like a Christmas dream today, in a red, green, and black plaid dress with a tiny black sweater over it. Dark green tights cover her chubby little legs and she’s wearing black patent mary jane’s. Rafael has her hair in curls today, pulled back in a ponytail at the back of her head. Olivia smiles at the two of them, her empty hand coming up to her chest and pressing over her heart.

“You are just the most precious thing, aren’t you?” she coos to Marlene, and Rafael beams as though she’s given HIM the compliment.

“Can you tell Aunt Livvy ‘thank you’?” he encourages Marley, who’s wrapped her arms around his neck. “Say, ‘thanks Aunt Livvy!’”

Marley looks from him to Olivia and smiles. “Fanks, Aunt Wivvy!” she repeats, grinning, and Liv leans forward and kisses the little girl’s forehead.

“Mom! C’mon! It’s my turn!” Noah urges her, tugging her forward, and Liv chuckles as she hurries to catch up with her son.

“Pah-pi.” Marlene holds his face in her chubby hands. “Marwee eat?”

“Are you hungry?” he asks, and at her nod he says, “Okay. We’ll get you a snack after we see Santa, okay?”

“Marwee eat afta Santa?” She holds her little hands out as she asks the question, and Rafael leans in and kisses her sweet cheek.

“Yes ma’am! Oh, look, Marley! It’s our turn! Let’s say hi to Santa Claus!” As Noah runs toward the candy cane basket, Rafael carries Marley closer to Santa. The older man is smiling and appears friendly, and reaches his arms out for her.

“Ho ho ho!” he says warmly, but Marlene is already clinging to Rafael’s shirt.

“No fank you, Pah-pii!” she says quickly. He tries to hand her over, but she digs in, starting to climb over his shoulder and getting louder and more frantic. “No fank you! No fanks, Papi!” He glances at Olivia; she and Noah are watching him, and she smiles at him. He knows that smile-- _ you can do this, Barba, _ it says, and he exhales steadily.

“Okay, lovey! Papi will hold you. How’s that, princesa?” She stops struggling against him and lays her head on his shoulder. “Okay, there we go...hi Santa!” he greets the older gentleman. “This is Marlene, and it’s her first time to meet you!”

“Ho ho ho!” Santa says again, patting the seat next to him. “Would you like to sit with me, Dad? Maybe we can get a picture with all of us!”

Rafael grins in relief. “That’s a terrific idea, Santa! Thanks so much. See Marley? Papi’s gonna sit right here with you and Santa!”

Marley raises her head and looks around. “Papi sit? Marwee eat, Papi!”

Santa chuckles. “Well, there you go, Papi...your little one wants to eat! Is there anything else she wants for Christmas?”

“What do you think?” Rafael asks Marlene. “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas? Do you want toys? Blocks, or books, or babies?”

Her eyes grow big and she nods. “Baybee, Papi! Marwee want bay-bee! Marwee tiss bay-bee.” She holds her chubby little hand up to her mouth and pretends to kiss it several times. 

“Oh ho ho, I bet you’re such a good girl for your papi!” Santa says, then directs them to look at the camera. They do; Rafael points to it and tells Marley, “Right there, mija! Smile at Aunt Livvy and Noah! That’s my princesa! Such a good girl!” Their picture has both men smiling full, toothy smiles and Marley is laughing and pointing toward the camera. Rafael picks her up. “Tell Santa thank you, mija! Tell him, Merry Christmas!”

Now Marley waves excitedly at the older man. “Fank you, Santa Taus! Fanks Santa! Mewee Twistmas, Santa Taus!” Then she puts her hands back on either side of Rafael’s face and says, “Pah-pii, Marwee eat now! Marwee eat tookie!”

Rafael chuckles as he turns to Liv. “Cookies sound good to you and Noah? Our treat!” 

“That sounds terrific, Uncle Rafa!” Noah exclaims excitedly, and Liv grins back as the four of them make their way toward the mall’s cookie shop.

***

Sonny’s grinning ear to ear as he balances little Rosie on his knee. She keeps kissing his cheek and every time he ho-ho’s, she giggles. All of the kids seemed to have bought into his Santa routine this year, except for his cousin’s eight-year old son, Joey, who keeps grumbling that there’s no such thing as Santa Claus. Sonny’s just waiting for Joey’s father, Lou, to smack the back of his head.

Rosie is petting his beard like it’s a live animal now, when suddenly he hears, “Hi Santa Taus! Hi Santa Taus! Marwee turn, pease! Pah-pii, Marwee turn pease! No more Wo-Wo! Marwee turn!” Marley’s chubby little hand is pulling on Rosie’s shirt, trying to get the toddler out of Santa’s lap, and her papi moves quickly.

“Hold on, mija. You have to wait until Ro-Ro is done.” Rafael holds Marley back as Bella takes Rosie off of Sonny’s lap.

“NO!” Rosie shrieks, holding onto Santa’s beard. “NO NO NO!!!”

“Oh yes yes yes!” Bella chuckles, unwinding her daughter’s fingers before she can yank off the beard. “Aw, poor RoRo,” she comforts the sobbing toddler. “You’ll get another turn soon.”

“Me, Santy Taus!” Marley announces delightedly. “Marwee turn pease!”

Sonny helps his daughter climb into his lap, seemingly none of the hesitation present that she had at the mall. She begins to pet his beard like she saw her cousin doing.

“Ho ho ho!” Sonny laughs deeply. “Do you like that, Marley Mae?”

She pulls herself up to stand on his thighs, placing a hand on either side of his face. She peers at his eyes for several long seconds without saying anything, and Sonny takes the moment to enjoy the beauty of his little girl’s face. “Dah-dee,” she says, after a moment. She pokes him in the chest, and then pats his beard again. “No Santa Taus! You Dah-dee!” she laughs. “Funny Dah-dee!” Her giggles grow to belly laughs, and Rafael scoops her out of Sonny’s lap before she can ruin the surprise for everyone who still believes. As soon as Rafael stands her on her feet next to his seat on the couch, she points at Sonny, and the voice that comes out is her deep, truly delighted voice. “Pah-pii, no Santy Taus! Dah-dee SO silly, Pah-pii!” She bursts into a full body laugh again, shaking her head and grabbing her little belly.

Rafael and Sonny look at each other and grin, and Rafael can’t recall a time he’s been so absolutely happy to see Santa.


	11. Candy Canes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before they ever started dating, Sonny took note of the way Rafael Barba consumed his candy canes. Over the years, it's led to an annual Candy Cane celebration. Since Sonny spilled the beans to Marlene that he and Rafael celebrate candy canes each year, they have to figure out a way to provide a G rated celebration for their daughter. **EXPLICIT CHAPTER
> 
> *I don't own Candyland, candy canes, Christmas, SVU or anything else worth anything but I wish I did. I will claim Marlene, though. She's mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI and thanks for reading!
> 
> I actually did a little research on Candyland because I haven't played it in several years, and I forgot some of the character names. It's pretty interesting how many different boards there have been over the years! For a lot of us, this is our first board game we learn to play. Most four-year olds are able to play with some supervision, although as a teacher, let me tell you that "cheating" at this age is super common and they don't really get it. It's a process.
> 
> If you have any holiday words you're looking for and haven't seen yet, feel free to add them in the comments! I can't promise I'll use them all, but I still have a few days that I'm looking for words.
> 
> Hope you're having a happy December 11th!

  
  


Sonny Carisi has a kink involving his husband and candy canes.

It started before they were dating, the first year they worked together, when Barba spent the better part of December walking around with a candy cane in his mouth. Sonny would watch the thin lips pucker around the narrow stick of candy, getting sucked down to a point throughout the workday. Then he’d go home at night and imagine those lips around his cock, sucking until he came.. 

Their first Christmas together, Sonny gave Rafael a large box of gourmet candy canes. Root bear, caramel, apple pie, cranberry, tie dye, and sugar plum. Rafael opened the container, then shot Sonny a look that involved raising one eyebrow. “Care to explain?” he asked, pulling out one of the canes and examining it.

“You just...I’d just noticed...you have a tendency to…” Sonny stuttered before spitting out, “watching you fellate one of those things is the hottest shit I’ve seen!”

To which Rafael, smirking, replied, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet,  _ Dominick, _ ” before sinking to his knees and redefining the term “hottest shit I’ve seen” for Sonny. 

Ever since then, the couple has had a Candy Cane celebration each year. It involves gourmet candy canes, lots of teasing, peppermint and cocoa, and any other fun, flirty things they can come up with. But it always ends with a blowjob. Sometimes it’s Rafael blowing Sonny, other times Sonny blows Rafael. One time they got a little desperate and sixty-nined each other, which was great until Sonny thrust in while Rafael gasped. It took Rafael two weeks to forgive Sonny for shooting cum out his nose.

But now they’re dads and Candy Cane celebration day is a little different, especially since Sonny told Marley it existed last year. She’d noticed the crushed candy canes on her papi’s pancakes and in his coffee, and asked why Papi got those.

“Because it’s a special day!” Sonny told her, grinning, as Rafael padded into the kitchen. “It’s Candy Cane day!” It was a good guess as to whether Marlene’s or Rafael’s eyes grew bigger at that moment.

“That sounds SO de-wish...de-wush...yummy!” Marley got out as Rafael and Sonny made eye contact, and Sonny suddenly realized his massive faux-pas.

“And YOU’RE in charge of planning the G version of this next year!” Rafael told him that night, as Sonny completed what Rafael had to agree was an amazing blow.

So this year, they’re finishing their candy cane dinner (hot dogs wrapped in strips of crescent dough along with broccoli “trees” to dip in ranch) as they play the game Candyland. At five, Marley is now old enough to play without any help, and occasionally she’s even strategic. There’s an assortment of candy canes on the table that they’ve all been enjoying throughout the day, and now that Rafael has finished his (questionable) dinner (he only ate this to humor his daughter), he reaches for another candy cane before drawing the next card.

“What tind did you get now, Papi?” Marley asks as he tastes the end of the cane. He rolls it around in his mouth, over his tongue, for a few seconds before responding.

“I think it’s butterscotch,” he guesses. “Maybe caramel or rum butter, something like that.” He draws his card and moves his man, then scans her plate. “You want another one? Looks like you’re done with dinner.”

“Yeah, I’m done. Tan I have the pink one?”

He hands it over to her, then picks up her plate and takes it to Sonny at the sink. He’s finishing dishes and prepping a “surprise”. Rafael kisses the side of his ear.

When he gets back to the table, Rafael is a little surprised to see his man is in a spot he didn’t leave him in, and can’t move until he draws a blue card. Marley is now two squares away from the winning castle. “Um, I don’t remember our pieces being like this,” he challenges.

She shrugs. “I moved your man. You missed some turns. But don’t worry, Papi! You just gotta get a blue and you tan go again!”

“Terrific,” he replies, sitting in his chair and drawing the next card, a yellow square.

Marley needs a red, and shockingly, the next card is red. “I winned, Papi!” she exclaims excitedly as his eyebrow shoots up and he crosses his arms. “Isn’t that tool?”

“Sure,” he answers skeptically. She glances at him briefly, then goes back to stacking the cards to play again.

“Hey Daddy, tan you play this time too?” she asks.

“I sure can,” he tells her, handing each of them a mug of hot cocoa and putting a plate of candy cane cookies on the table.

“Yum!” Marley says, taking one of the cookies. She keeps glancing at Rafael, and finally sighs heavily. “I think...I think when you got up, Papi? I think the tards falled over and I put them back up. And I think I mighta put the wed one there...yeah, I think so. I didn’t want you to wose!” she clarifies quickly. “But I didn’t wanna wose either.”

He tries to soften his gaze. “You moved the red card, huh? Well, I appreciate your honesty, but it’s not very fun to play when people don’t follow the rules. We call that cheating, and it’s not honest. It says we can’t trust you, sweetie. I understand you didn’t want to lose, but sometimes that happens. It’s part of playing the game.”

She crosses her arms on the table in front of her and hides part of her face behind them. “I’m sorry, Papi. I want you an’ Daddy to trust me.” She presses her eyes against her arms. “I wanna be a good girl, wike Santa says.”

Sonny’s watching their exchange, and he reaches over and pats her arm. “You are a good girl, Marley, and you’re learning. We want to trust you too, dolly. So don’t turn yourself into a cheater by cheating, okay? When people know you’re honest, they know they can trust you. And that’s a good thing, right dolly?”

Marley nods, face still half obscured by her arms, until Sonny offers her a cookie. “Candy cane?” he asks, and she immediately perks up, taking the cookie and eating it quickly.

They play the game one more time, and at the end, Marley finishes second. “Daddy winned,” she says, and it’s clear she’s struggling with the disappointment. “But guess what, guys? I didn’t turn me into a cheater! You tan trust me now, wight Papi?” Her expression is one of hopeful excitement, and he can’t help but smile at her.

“Of course I can, mija,” he tells her, wrapping his arms around her when she launches herself at him for a hug. “That was very good! I love it when you’re honest! 

“Me...me too!” she tells him, hugging him tightly. “I WOVE it when I’m a good girl! My brain did a good job!”

Sonny’s watching them, feeling his heart warm, and he thinks there’s not enough kisses in the world to shower on his little girl.

***

“So tell me,” Sonny says, licking a broad stripe up Rafael’s cock, “did Papi enjoy his Candy Cane celebration this year?”

Tugging at Sonny’s hair, Rafael waits until his husband meets his eyes and grins. “Ask me in about fifteen minutes,” he replies, then taps Sonny’s cheek with his cock. “Go on. Anytime now.”

Sonny snickers. “Aren’t you cute? Besides, in fifteen minutes, you’re going to be begging me for next year’s Candy Cane celebration to be just like this one.”

And in fifteen minutes, he is.


	12. Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sixteen-year old Sonny experiences a crisis of faith.
> 
> Forty-two year old Sonny is eternally grateful for the person God sent to help.
> 
> And Rafael wonders if it's not too late for him to believe a little more, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy December 12th! 
> 
> I'm a United Methodist, and I've been doing an advent study this year that's really been challenging me to think about certain things a bit differently. It's good to be challenged like that. I wanted to include some words with religious connotations in this for a few reasons--first, I called it an Advent countdown, but I also think that Sonny and Rafael would lean toward some spiritual connection and connotation to this time as well. The word faith seemed like a natural one to include in this countdown, so here it is.
> 
> As I mentioned above, I am not Catholic. If I've gotten something really wrong here, please let me know. I did do some research on points that I was unsure about, but that doesn't mean I didn't make any mistakes. In this fic, the character of Father Abrams does not state what his sexual orientation is, and I did that on purpose. I don't think it matters. It's not HIS sexual orientation in question, and his job is to support his parishoner who's looking for answers.
> 
> Thanks for reading this one and I hope you enjoy.

His heart was racing and he could barely catch a breath in the frigid air. It seemed like he’d been running for hours, but in reality, it had only been a handful of minutes. He’d made his way through the neighborhood, twinkling with lights, closer to a commercial area bright and loud with the sounds of Christmas. He didn’t know what to do or where to go--all he could think about was how he was sure his dad knew by now, and he’d never be able to go home again.

He collapsed against the side of the church in tears--his only possible beacon in a storm of his own making. He knew what he’d done was wrong; he knew it was a sin and he shouldn’t have done it. But Mason was so cute and funny, so smart and sweet, that every time they were near each other his heart skipped a beat. He thought about Mason every night, and lately he’d been imagining him doing things that he’d never done before, not even with Christina Carroll, his girlfriend all sophomore year. Still, he hadn’t imagined, really, they would kiss. And he really hadn’t imagined his sister would see.

“Sonny?” Father Abrams opened the door a few feet from where Sonny was crouched, and he jumped up immediately.

“Sorry, Father!” he pushed out quickly. “Sorry! I’m leavin’. I didn’t mean to be here.” He roughly wiped his forearm across his face, smearing the tears and snot there.

“It’s all right, Sonny...why don’t you come in, wash your face? It’s okay, son. It’s safe here.” Father Abrams held the door open and nodded toward Sonny.

Sonny didn’t know how Father Abrams seemed to know the right words he needed to hear, but he did, and Sonny found himself following the priest inside of the building.

They went down a narrow hall that led to the priest’s office. There was a restroom directly facing the office, and Father Abrams nodded toward the door. “Go ahead and wash your face. You can come into my office whenever you’re done.”

Sonny entered the bathroom and turned the water on, then splashed his face for a minute before drying off. He felt as though he could burst back into tears at any moment, and he wondered if the Father would be as welcoming if he knew exactly what Sonny had done tonight.

He stepped back into the priest’s office and stood there awkwardly, bringing his hand to his mouth to chew a hangnail. Father Abrams was sitting at his desk, writing something, but turned when he realized Sonny was there. “Come have a seat.” Father Abrams motioned to his couch, and Sonny sat on the edge of it, looking small. “Would you like to pray?”

Sonny nodded, and the father bent his head and began to pray. Sonny listened to the familiar words, letting the rhythm and melody comfort him. As they finished, Sonny raised his head, hesitantly regarding the priest, who smiled gently at him.

“You look like you’re in pain, Sonny.” Father Abrams was leaning forward, and tilted his head to the side. “How can I help?”

Sonny’s body was tight, folded in on itself. “I...I…” He shook his head.

Father Abrams sat quietly, not speaking, until Sonny pushed the truth--or part of it--out. “I committed a sin, Father. A bad one.” He shook his head again and started to cry. “I can’t go home now...my ma won’t want me around my sisters. Pop is gonna be so mad...he’s gonna hate me…” He was starting to breathe heavily and gasp through his tears, and wiped his arm across his face again. The priest handed him a box of tissues. Sonny grabbed a couple and held them to his eyes, trying to calm down. “My family...they think I’m a decent kid. And I’m not. I’m gonna go to hell, Father.”

Father Abrams shifted in his seat. “Sonny, you’re a child of God. He loves you completely, even the unfinished or imperfect parts of you. If you confess your sin, you can pray for forgiveness--”

“But it won’t change!” Sonny cried desperately. “I’ve tried! I’ve tried my whole life! I tried to always think that girls are pretty and I tried to date them and talk to them. I even went steady with Christina Carroll all last year but...but...but it’s the same.” His elbows rested on his knees and he held his head in his hands. “I’m a mistake.”

“Sonny.” The priest’s voice was firm but kind. “I know I’m rather new to this parish, and different priests may have different views...but you are NOT a mistake. You are a wonderful, unique creation of God’s.” They were quiet for a moment, then Father Abrams asked, “Sonny, can you tell me what is the nature of your sin?”

Sonny’s breathing immediately grew heavier, and he sounded choked. “I kissed a boy,” he whispered, covering his eyes in shame.

Fatfher Abrams let out a long, slow exhale. “Sonny, do you know that some church scholars are starting to believe that homosexuality may not be a sin? It may be a legitimate, neurologically programmed sexual orientation. Do you know what that means?”

Sonny met the priest’s eyes. “What? I’m not...I’m not…”

Father Abrams nodded. “You’re not any more of a sinner than the rest of us, Sonny. You are a blessing to this world, and there is no other like you. If you’re interested, I can get some literature on this for you. Would you like that?”

“Yes...yes, I would.” Sonny was shocked, amazed that there could possibly be an answer he hadn’t thought was possible. Could it be that God loved him too? That he wasn’t broken, a mistake?

If so, could his family keep loving him?

“Why don’t I give you a ride home?” Father Abrams asked. “Would that be all right?”

“I don’t know,” Sonny answered honestly. “My sister Gina saw me kiss him. I’m afraid she mighta told my ma….if she did, I dunno if they’ll ever wanna see me again.”

The priest patted Sonny on the shoulder before he could begin to cry again. “They will, son. They love you, and they will.”

***

“I can’t wait for you to meet him,” Sonny tells Rafael for what feels like the hundredth time this December morning as they adjust their ties. “If it weren’t for him, I don’t know that I would have made it to adulthood.” Father Abrams is visiting Sonny’s old church in Staten Island today, and so they’re up early to attend mass with his parents. 

Sonny has been anticipating this day for weeks. Rafael knows the story, knows that Father Abrams managed to convince a teenaged Sonny that he was all of the things Rafael knows he is today. Father Abrams even took the boy home, and when he was ready, helped him come out to his family, offering his parents much-needed spiritual counseling on the matter. A part of Rafael wishes he had been so lucky. Maybe if he had, he’d have a much different relationship with God...and maybe his relationship with Lucia wouldn’t have been so strained for so long.

At mass, Sonny quietly points the priest out early on. He looks nothing like Rafael had pictured; Father Abrams is now in his mid-fifties, he’s African American, and is short and heavy. After mass is finished, they make their way to the doors to speak to him.

“Hey Daddy, is that one the priest who helped you when you needed it?” Marley is in Sonny’s arms, and is pointing at the Father that she doesn’t recognize.

“Don’t point, love, but yes, that’s him. That’s Father Abrams. He’s Daddy’s hero,” Sonny tells her, and he warms all over when he feels Rafael’s hand on the small of his back.

“Dominick Carisi.” Father Abrams greets him warmly, shaking his hand. “It’s so good to see you, son. How are you doing this fine day?”

Sonny introduces his family--the one he’s positive wouldn’t exist if it were not for this man--and they all shake hands. There are smiles and happiness all around. Deb and Dom move on more quickly, out into the sunshine, and Sonny starts to move forward, when he hears his husband speak.

“Father, I’m not much for the Catholic church, but thank you for seeing in Sonny who he really is. I know he feels you gave him the chance at life, and our family wouldn’t be here without you. He’s an amazing man in large part because of you, and as his husband, I just wanted to thank you for that.”

Father Abrams’ face takes on a look of seriousness. “To be honest, it was God. He guided that conversation, and I hope Sonny knows that God has always had a hand on him. He is a beloved son,” he says quietly, before adding, “So are you. You’re always his beloved child, no matter whether you worship or not, Rafael, and no matter what you’ve been told. He is with you, and He loves you.” He nods at Rafael. “Take care.”

Rafael catches up with the rest of his family. Sonny is smiling at him, and squeezes his hand. “All good?” he asks, and Rafael nods. There’s a warmth in his belly that wasn’t there a few minutes ago. He’s not ready to share what the priest said to him, not yet, but he finds himself wanting so very much to believe it. 

Sonny believed it those many years ago. Maybe he can too.


	13. Elf on the Shelf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amanda gives the Barba-Carisis an Elf on the Shelf, and they all have differing ideas about how to use him.
> 
> *I do not own Elf on the Shelf, SVU, or anything else.

“Are you kidding me?” Rafael examined the package Amanda had handed him. “What the hell is it, besides scary? Are you trying to scare my daughter?”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re so ridiculous,” she told him. “It’s an Elf on the Shelf. Every kid has one these days. Jesse loves hers. Noah has one too and Liv said he adores it! And it’s especially amazing when you want to keep them from doing something they shouldn’t do, because the elf knows all.” She raised her eyebrows and grinned broadly. “Trust me, just the suggestion of Fiddle-Dee seeing her misbehave is enough to get Jesse to behave all month long!”

“Fiddle-Dee?” he repeated, one eyebrow raising.

Amanda waved a hand. “It’s what she named him. Look, I’m telling you, these things are super popular and I guarantee if you and Sonny don’t know what they are, Marlene sure will! Take it home. His job is to report back to Santa, and do clever stuff around your house.” Amanda made her way to his door. “Look it up online,” she told him, quickly heading out.

“Who has time for that?” he grumbled to himself,tossing the package into his attache.

***

“I don’t wike that thing,” Marley told him, frowning. “He’s a spy for Santa. Plus he’s scary.”

Rafael made a face. “How do you know what he is?”

“Tause...tause Emery gotted one and bringed it for Show and Tell and telled us about him. His name is Elf on a Shelf and he tells Santa if you’re bad. Gwennie and Troy and Hyun got one also but they got other names. And Troy says his elf does funny stuff. But I don’t know how you get a funny one instead of a tattle-teller.”

Rafael chuckled. “I don’t know either. Your aunt Amanda wanted us to have this one. What do you think he is?”

She took the box from him and examined it. “I dunno. We gotta keep him, don’t we? Auntie Amanda’s gonna be sad if we don’t.”

“You wanna name him?” Rafael opened up the package and took the elf out, then the book.

“I guess.” Marley held the elf doll for a minute, moving his limbs and turning him back and forth. “How about Good Boy?”

Rafael bit his tongue to the point his eyes watered. He knew he was going to burst into laughter any second, and it would be the uncontrollable kind. 

“Papi? You don’t wike that name? I was hopin’ it would wemind him to be nice.”

“I think it’s perfect,” Rafael told her, wiping his eyes.

“Are you tryin’? Are you sad?”

“No, not at all. Just something in my eye.” 

***

“So who’s this fella?” Sonny asked at dinner that night, nodding toward the elf sitting on the table between Rafael and Marlene.

“That’s Good Boy. Auntie ‘Manda gived him to us,” Marley explained, then took another bite of chicken. “We named him Good Boy so he wemembers to be nice and not be a tattle-teller to Santa.”

Sonny was clearly trying not to laugh. He glanced at Rafael with wide eyes, then turned back to his daughter. “Isn’t that his job, dolly?”

“Not at our house,” she replied. “Papi an’ me decided he’s gonna be wike Troy’s and do funny stuff.”

“Hmm...really?” Something in Sonny’s voice caught Rafael’s attention, and he suddenly felt suspicious. “Guess we’ll have to see what he does.”

“Guess so,” Marley echoed, and Rafael had the sudden feeling things in his house just took a very unpredictable turn.

***

“I tan’t even believe this,” Marley was saying as Rafael padded into the kitchen the next morning.

“What’s going on?” he asked, peering over his daughter’s head at the kitchen counter. There was flour all over the counter and the elf was in the middle of it, with the shape of angel wings around him. It looked as though he’d been making angels in the flour. Rafael snorted.

“Did you do this, Papi?” she asked, hands on her hips.

He poured a mug of coffee. “Nope. Sure didn’t. Where’s your dad? Are you guys making pancakes today?”

Just then Sonny brought their puppy Pru back into the apartment from her walk. “Hey Daddy! Didja make this mess over here with Good Boy? And are we makin’ pancakes?”

“What mess?” Sonny asked, unleashing the dog and heading into the kitchen. “Oh. Huh. No, I didn’t. I’ve heard these elves can be a little, uh, mischievous. Do you want to make pancakes?”

Marley nodded. “What’s miss tevis mean? And I want blueberry pancakes today.”

Sonny explained mischievous as he wiped up the flour and dusted off the elf, and the two set about making pancakes. Good Boy was laid aside for now, and they got busy with their Saturday.

***

“Papi’s not gonna be very happy,” he heard the next morning as he headed to the kitchen. Sonny and that damn elf, he thought, and upon reaching the kitchen, he saw the problem.

His favorite mug was in the Keurig, but it appeared that Good Boy was taking a bath in it, complete with marshmallow bubbles. “Sorry, Papi,” Marlene told him immediately. “He was already there when I tame in here! I don’t know why he did that.”

Rafael shot a glare at Sonny. “Oh, I have an idea.”

Sonny patted their daughter’s back. “I told you those elves are mischievous creatures. Would you like eggs today? How about you, Rafi? Eggs?”

“After I’ve gotten some coffee,” Rafael grumbled.

***

Sunday had been a busy day, and Rafael found himself exhausted by bedtime. Sonny was still in the front room watching TV, but he couldn’t stay awake any longer, so he’d kissed his husband and made his way back to the bedroom. Changing into his sleep pants, he tugged on a tee shirt and wandered into the bathroom to brush his teeth. And who should be there but Good Boy, standing over the toothpaste, using Rafael’s toothbrush to brush his ass.

Two can play this game, he thought, and as soon as he finished brushing, he did what he’d been avoiding ever since Amanda gave him the damn thing. 

He googled Elf on the Shelf.

***

“So,” Amanda caught Sonny in the break room, “how’s it going with the elf?”

Sonny laughed. “Fantastic. Marley is enjoying some of his little pranks. She found that he stacked the white towels and turned them into a ramp he was sliding down. He also drew faces on all the bananas. She thought that was hilarious. But her favorites are when he pulls pranks on Rafael.” He snickered, then admitted, “Those are my favorites too. She got up the other day and he was tangled in the blinds with a note saying to help him before Papi saw he tried to escape. We’re having fun, even if Rafael’s a little scrooge-y.”

“Speaking of, he brought your cookies by for the meeting,” she told him. “He said you forgot them this morning.”

“I did,” Sonny admitted. “I’m just glad he had time to grab them before he had to leave. It’s about time now, isn’t it?”

Just then, Liv opened the door to the break room. “Are you guys coming? We need to get started.”

“Sure,” Amanda told her, and they headed to the conference table. Sonny swung by his desk to grab the cookies he’d made as a treat--sweets always seemed to make these types of meetings go by faster.

Fin, Liv, Dodds, O’Dwyer, and Rollins were already sitting as he approached, and he quietly slipped into the empty seat next to Amanda.

“Well don’t be shy,” Dodds immediately said. “I hear you brought cookies?”

Sonny smiled. “Yeah...thumbprint cookies. My ma’s recipe.” He opened the container and slid them to the middle of the table as an awkward silence took over.

In the corner of the container sat Good Boy, in a squatting position, directly over a cookie. There was a chocolate chip on top of the cookie he was over. Additionally, four or five other cookies in that row also had a single chocolate chip sitting directly in the middle of the cookie. And a post-it note, stuck to the side of the container, said, “GOOD BOY!”

Fin was the first one to make a noise. It was a low wheeze at first. His head was bowed and his chest, then his shoulders, began to shake.

“My husband has a weird sense of humor,” Sonny tried to explain, just as the Chief began to howl with laughter. A second later, everyone at the table was cackling, then O’Dwyer stood up and reached for a cookie. 

“I bet these are great, with or without the shit on top,” he joked, and passed the container on.

  
Sonny’s face was still red as he sent a photo of the staff eating cookies to his husband, then texted,  _ Welcome to the world of Elf on the Shelf. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elf on the Shelf became popular around the time my youngest was outgrowing Santa Claus. Personally I think the thing is scary and I couldn't stand it, so I bought my own, renamed it something (Cinnamon, maybe?) and hid it around the house. She hated it. I did it to annoy her for a couple of years, because that's just who I am, but now it's God knows where in a box, I'm sure. I really, really, REALLY dislike the idea of some toy being a tattletale to Santa. Talk about a passive aggressive way to deal with misbehavior! If I don't like what a kid is doing, I usually tell them. I don't need a toy to tell an imaginary character who will then defund a Christmas present that I'm actually funding. Okay, enough of that.
> 
> I don't like the end of this ficlet. It's not one of my favorites either. But it is what it is, and tomorrow is another day, so we're all gonna hope that the ficlet for tomorrow will be better!


	14. The Nutcracker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The husbands take Marley and Jesse to see The Nutcracker for the first time.

The street is slushy as they step out of the taxi. Rafael is carrying Marlene, and Sonny slides out after them, grabbing Jesse’s hand. “Ready?” he asks the five-year old, and she nods excitedly.

Lucia had gotten free tickets and had planned to go with her family, but she wasn’t feeling well and offered her ticket to whoever the husbands deemed appropriate. A few minutes later, Jesse was confirmed to see her first ballet that afternoon, and they all were excited.

“Tan I walk please, Papi?” Marley asks, and he delicately puts her down, still holding her hand. The theater is busy and they make their way inside.

“First stop, bathrooms!” Sonny announces, leading the girls toward the ladies’ room. There is a line, and they stand against the wall for a minute, so Sonny can give instructions. “Okay, girls, you need to stay together in line. After you use the restroom, wash your hands and then you can come right back here. Papi and I will be waiting for you right here, okay?”

“Got it, Uncle Sonny!” Jesse tells him, giving him a thumbs up and taking Marley’s hand in hers. “Don’t worry, Uncle Wafi, your sweet mija’s safe with me!”

“Yeah, Papi, don’t worry!” Marley echoes. “I’m safe with her!”

Rafael and Sonny chuckle and watch the girls in line, waiting for a few minutes, until they both appear again, Jesse skipping to them and Marley running after her.

“Don’t run!” Rafael reminds Marley. Jesse has already taken Sonny’s hand and is staring up at him with heart eyes. Rafael smiles, seeing the love in her eyes for his husband. Jesse has always loved Sonny. Rafael is fairly sure she was born that way. With her blonde hair and blue eyes, she even looks like she could be his daughter. He suddenly realizes that to most people, they probably look like two dads taking their daughters out to see The Nutcracker, a little daddy-daughter date. In the same moment, he also realizes that Jesse probably never gets that experience. Marley has daddy-daughter dates all the time. She’s got two dads and one or both of them are always taking her somewhere. He thinks about how often people smile at them together, like he’s performing some grand feat by taking his little girl out alone, and how it makes him feel warm and happy. He thinks it makes Marlene feel that way too, because people often stop and comment on how cute she is, or how well behaved, or how well-dressed, and she beams happy smiles at them.

But Jesse’s dad is never around, so this is different for her, in all likelihood. Special. This is a different kind of attention she’s getting, and he can understand how a little girl might relish in that.

She’s saying something to Sonny now, and he’s bent over, listening aptly and smiling. Rafael loves that his husband has so much love to give, that he happily shares his love with Jesse on days like today, yet still has more than enough to give their daughter.

“Right here!” Sonny motions for them to follow, and Rafael hands the tickets to the usher. She seats them, and their seats are fantastic. Very close to the stage, and both girls can see because there are children sitting in front of them. Rafael pulls out his phone and takes a quick picture to send to his mom. She’ll be happy knowing that the girls had such good seats.

Jesse and Marley are talking between themselves, sandwiched with a dad on either side. The girls wiggle out of their winter coats, then Marley turns to Rafael. “Papi, tan we have popcorn and a drink? We’re thirsty and hungry.”

Both girls are looking at him with large, pitiful eyes. “Not now,” he tells them, “we can’t eat in the theater. We’ll get something at intermission, during the break, okay?”

Marley frowns, but Jesse nods. “Okay! Thanks, Uncle Wafi!” She nudges Marley in the side. “It’s okay, Marley Mae. We gotta be polite with your dads ‘cause this is a special thing we get to do! Didja know that? My momma told me not everyone gets to go to the ballet and it’s so nice and special we get to go!”

“It is?” Marley asks, looking around her. This is her first ballet as well, but it’s a special children’s performance. “I don’t think it’s a ballet, though. My dads say it’s The Nuttracker.”

Jesse shakes her head. “My momma said it’s the ballet!”

“Papi!” Marley shakes his arm. “Is this the ballet or is it The Nuttracker? You an’ Daddy told me it’s the Nuttracker but Jesse says it’s the ballet!”

Rafael glances at Sonny, who’s chuckling, and he grins. “It’s a ballet called The Nutcracker. The Nutcracker is the name of the ballet. Entiendes?”

“Oohhhhhhhh,” Marley replies, and it suddenly makes sense. She giggles. “I thinked it was a nuttracker. Papi, what’s a nuttracker, weally?”

The lights suddenly dim, and Jesse lets out a squeal. “Hush, Jess!” Sonny tells her, still chuckling. “It’s okay. It’s getting ready to start.”

“I’ll tell you later,” Rafael reassures Marley, then points to the stage.

Rafael is relieved this is a children’s show, because apparently, it’s a lot to expect four- and five-year olds to sit through a ballet. Many of the children in the audience are wiggly and whispering, and Sonny has leaned over and tried to quiet Marley and Jesse a handful of times. When the lights come on at intermission, Sonny stretches an arm across the back of the girls’ seats and says, “Well, this is different from adult theater!”

Rafael chuckles. “At least these two are like all the others!”

“Papi!” Marley is climbing into his lap. It’s been a long time to sit in a seat, and she’s wiggly. “When are the people up there gonna talk?”

“What do you mean, mija?” he asks, and she reaches around him, hugging him tightly. Jesse is spinning in circles between Rafael and Sonny, keeping her arms close to her body so she doesn’t hit anything.

“I...mean….” she starts, then presses her forehead against his, “when do they talk about what’s gonna happen? Why they not sayin’ anything?”

Rafael suddenly realizes she doesn’t understand what ballet IS. “Sweetie, they don’t talk during the ballet. Their dancing tells the story. That’s why we watch. And it’s very pretty to watch, don’t you think?”

“Not so much,” she tells him, and he wishes once again he knew where she picked up her adult phrasing.

“I think so!” Jesse says, still spinning. “I think it’s be-YOU-tee ful!” Sonny reaches out and stops her. “Whoa,” she gasps, laughing. “I’m a little bit dizzy!”

The lights blink again and Jesse’s eyes widen as she stares at Sonny, then she laughs and says, “We forgot to get our snacks!”

“We did!!” he confirms. “We’ll have to get them when it’s over.”

A few minutes later, the girls are settled back in their seats and the ballet resumes.

***

“So what did you think?” Rafael asks Jesse at the end of the ballet. “Marley said she didn’t like it.”

“Tause they don’t talk!” she explainsagain.

Jesse takes Sonny’s hand as they move out of the row. “I liked it. They did such pretty dances. And the little girl, I wanna be her! Do you think I can dance that good one day, Uncle Sonny?”

“I sure do,” Sonny tells her. “Keep at it, and you never know how good you’ll become!”

They leave the theater and stop at a pizza place nearby, ordering a simple cheese pizza and sodas all around. “This is so fun!” Jesse says, pulling her cheese from the pizza and eating it. “It’s fun to go to the ballet and eat pizza! I’m gonna tell my momma we should do that sometime…’cept not with Billie. We can go when Billie goes to her dad’s.”

“Billie’s little still,” Rafael comments, taking a sip of his cola. “But who knows, Jess? Maybe one day when she’s bigger, she’ll go to see The Nutcracker and you’ll be in it, playing Clara, the little girl!”

Jesse giggles. “That would be so cool! I wanna be a ballerina when I grow up!”

“Not me,” Marley says, shaking her head. “No way.”

“Why, what do you wanna be, dolly?” Sonny asks, taking a bite of his pizza. Last week, she had told him she wanted to be a “waw man, like Papi”. Before that she was going to be a teacher, like Abby.

Marley nibbles her crust. “I’m gonna be a...a...a doggy person who takes care of the dogs and stuff. Yeah, that’s it. And I’m gonna bake doggy treats.”

Sonny and Rafael look at each other, grinning. “Well, that’s a new one, Marley Mae,” Rafael tells her, taking another bite. “I thought you wanted to be a lawyer like me.”

She shrugs. “I did. But now I wanna be a doggy person.” She licks her crust. “Tause Pru needs somebody to bake her doggy Tristmas tookies.”

“That’s a good idea, Marley!” Jesse tells her. “When you make your cookies, can I help put the icing on? I’m good at putting the icing on! Momma says so.”

“Oho, coming with references,” Rafael says under his breath to Sonny, who snickers.

“Yeah, sure!” Marley tells her. “But...but tan you eat peanut butter? Tause doggies wike peanut butter, but some tids tan’t eat it tause it makes them sick.”

“Outlining health requirements for the job,” Sonny returns quietly as Rafael snorts.

“I’m good!” Jesse says. “I eat peanut butter all the time! ‘Cept at school. There I have to eat sunflower butter because some kids are allergic, like you said.”

“Yeah, ‘wergic.” Marley agrees. “But it’s weally good for dogs and it’s, wike, Pru’s favorite thing in the whole wide world, wight Daddy?”

Sonny nods. “You’re right. She really loves peanut butter.”

“And me,” Marley adds. “Me and peanut butter are her favorites, for sure.”

***

“Sorry I don’t wike ballets so much, Papi,” Marley tells him that night as he tucks her in. “I weally wish they talk to each other. Then I can understand it more.”

He smiles gently at her. “That’s okay, mija. Different people like different things. Plus you’re still pretty young. You might like it more when you get older.”

“I wike doggies,” she tells him, petting Pru, who’s curled up by her side. “Hey! Maybe we can see a doggy ballet!”

He laughs. “That’s an interesting idea. We’ll have to keep an eye out for that.”

“Hey Papi...do you still wove me so much even if I don’t wike ballet? Jesse wikes it...does Daddy want to be her dad instead?”

Rafael strokes her little cheek. “I love you to the moon and back, forever and always, princesa. Even if we love completely different things and do completely different things. You will always be our sweet, beautiful daughter.”

“Did I hear something about a sweet daughter?” Sonny’s in her doorway. He’s heard the conversation. It’s the same one they’ve had a million times, but he’s willing to have it a million more if needed. He steps over to the bed. “I love you, dolly, more than anything. My precious daughter, my Marley Mae.” He smiles at her, then kisses her forehead. 

“I wove you too, Daddy.” She rolls over and closes her eyes. “I wove you, Papi. G’night.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” Rafael tells her, and Sonny turns out the light as they leave her room.

It’s a big idea and a big lesson, that we don’t have to love everything that the people we love do, thinks Rafael, and his daughter is still very young. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed about the ballet, but she’s got years and years to develop a taste for it, and there’s thousands of other things they can share in the meantime.

Sonny reaches for his hand, squeezing it. “I like the ballet,” Sonny says randomly, and they both chuckle together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I have to say, the whole thing about not liking ballet because there's no talking came from me. The first ballet I saw was the Nutcracker. My mom took me when I was nine. Halfway through, I thought, I like the dancing but when are they gonna start talking so I know what's going on?
> 
> Yes, that's right. I was nine and didn't know nobody talks in a ballet. :-)
> 
> Hope you've had, or are having, a very happy December 14th!


	15. Living Nativity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marley and Sonny take in the sight of a living nativity as they're walking Pru, and Marley ponders the things she and Jesus have in common.
> 
> **Trigger Warnings for homophobic language, brief discussion of systemic racism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi and thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm putting a TW on this for the brief use of homophobic language as well as a brief and oversimplified conversation about systemic racism.
> 
> Marley's adoption story is referenced in several fics, including Bits and Pieces: Little Stories of the Barba-Carisis, Marley Turns Five, and Family, among others. 
> 
> I hope you're having a wonderful December 15th!

  
  


The Catholic church down the street, on the corner, has a Living Nativity scene the week before Christmas. Every evening for a few hours, there are people re-enacting the first Christmas. It’s the path that Rafael and Sonny take to walk Pru throughout the year, and over time it’s become something they look forward to observing when it’s time.

This year, there’s a real baby in the manger, and he cries the first night that they are there, watching. It’s cold outside, in the low forties, but there’s a warming lamp in the back of the scene and the baby is swaddled tightly. From chatting with people, Sonny has learned the baby is the actual child of the actors playing Mary and Joseph this year. Knowing that warms his insides, and he shares that information with his daughter tonight.

“That’s good his momma and daddy are there,” she replies, watching Mary comfort a crying Jesus. “He might be worried about where they are, if they weren’t there.”

“Maybe so. But they’re nearby.” They watch for a few more minutes, then continue their walk around the block.

“Do you think Jesus ever wondered about God?” Marley asks suddenly.

“What do you mean?” Sonny asks. “Wondered about what?” His daughter has become quite a thinker in the last several months, and he never knows what to expect of her questions now that she’s ten.

“Well,” she begins, “God is Jesus’ real dad, right? But Joseph was his earth dad. So Jesus was kinda like me...he didn’t know his real dad, but he had an earth dad who took care of him. I was just wondering if he ever wondered anything about God and what He’s like.”

Sonny chews on the question for a minute. Sure, there’s a religious element to the question that would be an easy out for him--he could talk about the Holy Trinity, stretch her reasoning that way--except he thinks that’s not what she’s really asking. “I don’t know,” he replies slowly. “Since you’re in a similar situation, what do you think?”

“I think probably he did. I mean, he might’ve wondered at least what God looked like, or why He sent him to live with people here, on Earth. Or if He liked kids, or if He thought Joseph might be a better father here, or if He missed Jesus.”

“Huh. That makes sense,” Sonny responds. “Do you ever have questions like that about your birth father?”

She nods. “Yeah.” They’re quiet for a minute, and Sonny cleans up after Pru before they round another corner to head home. “In science, Ms. Brown was talking about how we have these things called genes that make us look like our parents, and Dylan said my genes are defective because I have fag dads.” She rolls her eyes. “I’d punch him but it wasn’t worth the trouble. She heard him and gave him detention, anyway.”

Sonny snorts. “Still the fag words with that one, huh?” He remembers years before when the same boy had referred to he and Rafael as faggots. Marley had been in preschool at the time. Sonny had hoped the kid would’ve learned better by now, but obviously not.

“Well, he also said, later, that my real dad must be black and so that means I’m gonna end up in the projects.” He can hear the anger in her voice, and when she speaks, it’s shaky. “I was so glad he didn’t know Papi grew up in el barrio...if he had joked about that, I would’ve had to hurt him.”

Sonny sighs, unsure of what to say, but certain he should say  _ something. _ “Well then, I’m glad too, because you know Papi and I would not be okay with you hurting anyone, regardless of what they say.” He pauses for a moment. “You do know that a person’s genes and skin color have absolutely nothing to do with how intelligent they are, or how hard they work, right?”

She nods. “I know. Skin color has nothing to do with why people are poor.”

“Actually,” he corrects her, “it has a lot to do with why people are poor. Unfortunately, minorities in our country don’t get the same advantages as white people, and that keeps them poor.”

Marley stops walking and turns to Sonny. “Do you think my dad lives in the projects? Do you think he’s in a gang? Do you think he could be one of the gang guys that said they’d hurt Papi before?”

Sonny has stopped walking too and sees the fear and worry in his daughter’s eyes. “Marley, I don’t know. Your birth mom has told us absolutely nothing about your biological dad. I don’t know if he was a kid her age or if he was older than her. I don’t know if he’s a gang member or related to Barack Obama. I think all we have basically assumed of him is that he is part African American, because you look like you are part African American, and we know your birth mom is Native American. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was smart like you and your birth mom. I know Corrine grew up in the Bronx, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he lived there too. But I don’t know.”

Marley starts to walk toward the entrance of their building again, and Sonny follows her, with Pru tagging along. “I bet Jesus understands how I feel,” she muses. “I talk to Him sometimes. I still don’t hear Him talk back, but sometimes in my heart I get the feeling He’s listening.”

Sonny grabs the door to their building and holds it open for her. “I’m pretty sure He is, dolly,” he tells her as Pru follows them in and they walk to the elevator. “You ask some good questions about Him. And I bet if anyone understands how you feel, He does.”

She smiles at him, then presses the elevator button and crouches to pet Pru.


	16. Marley's Stocking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny's been held up at work on Christmas Eve, leaving Rafael to put three-year old Marlene to bed and get everything ready for the morning. Hopefully his love will be there by morning.
> 
> And thank goodness for the Christmas stocking that might buy them a little more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry December 16th and Season's Greetings to you!
> 
> Rafael is such a good daddy! Here, he's determined to get everything ready for Christmas morning without his husband's help, and if you've read "Growing Pains", you know that Marley wasn't the easiest for him when she was three and Sonny would go undercover! Fortunately, this is just a ficlet and he gets her down pretty easily.
> 
> I don't know if anyone else's parents ever used to leave their Christmas stockings on their beds, nor if everyone else even GOT Christmas stockings. My mother was the Christmas Tradition QUEEN. I had the same stocking throughout my childhood and it was always on my bed when I woke up on Christmas morning. We always got cool stuff, and I carried it on to my children. I'm 51 and my mother will be stuffing my stocking again in eight days. Since my dad passed, I stuff hers, and I'll stuff my daughter's, and everyone will stuff my grandson's. Stockings are a big deal here, and I love the tradition!
> 
> This is a short lil ficlet but I hope you enjoy it!

“Goodnight, sweet baby,” Rafael kisses their little three year old on Christmas Eve. “Sleep well so Santa can come, lovey.”

Marley’s eyes are heavy and she nods slowly at her papi, then grabs his arm before he can scoot away. “I wove you, Papi,” she murmurs, and Rafael knows that she means it with her entire little heart.

He finishes the dinner dishes, then heads to the bedroom to finish wrapping her gifts. Sonny was supposed to be home hours ago, but he’s gotten caught up in an unexpected sting operation. At this point, Rafael is just praying it doesn’t turn into something undercover and he still makes it home for Christmas day. He carefully wraps the doll, the game, the books, and then assembles the chalkboard they had chosen, and moves all of the gifts to the front room.

If he’s honest, it looks like FAO Schwartz vomited in their apartment, despite their desperate attempt to curb their spending toward their daughter. In all fairness, though, most of the gifts are not from Sonny and Rafael. They are from family members, some of whom the little girl has never even met, but all of whom are anxious to share the thrill of Rafael and Sonny now having a child. The packages from Miami, especially, warmed his heart, as did the two or three from San Leo, a small town in Southern Italy. The world seemed much smaller on the days they received a package from San Leo, Miami, or Santa Clara in Cuba. Rafael has a handful of second cousins who have left Havana and gone to Santa Clara now, and mail from them always makes him smile.

He takes a few photos of the tree with all its gifts, then goes back to his bedroom once more. It’s time to load up the stocking, the one thing that might buy him and Sonny some time in the morning to sleep, or to pretend they’re sleeping. Marley’s stocking is filled with small things to keep her busy. She has notepads, stickers, crayons, a small stuffed mouse, a couple tiny books, and a toothbrush that lights up. He debates the small kiddie bottle of nail polish, and decides to toss it in since it’s a soft pink and easy to remove. A container of playdough, a couple of plastic barrettes for her hair, and a handful of chocolate kisses complete the stocking.

Last year is when they hit upon the idea, and it was brilliant. The rule for home is that Marley has to stay in her room until a dad comes to get her in the morning. But on Christmas, if she’s been a good girl and gets a stocking, she can open it right away and play with whatever she finds in there. Last year, around six a.m., they heard a loud squeal, and nothing else until Sonny got her nearly an hour later. 

Rafael had reviewed it all with her again tonight, and the excited little girl had nodded and bounced on her knees. “Papi, Santa’s gonna bring me a stockin’! I be such a good girl, wight?”

He chuckled at her anticipation. “I bet he does! You are such a good little girl, aren’t you? I can’t wait to see what he brings you this year!” It occurs to him as he’s saying this that one day he’ll have to explain how good behavior has absolutely nothing to do with what kids get on Christmas. But he doesn’t right now, and he’s okay with it.

Stocking ready, he tiptoes to her room and peeks inside. She’s sound asleep, mouth slightly open. Pru’s curled up by her feet, but raises her ears when she sees Rafael. He shushes the little dog and lays the stocking on the nightstand, near Marley’s head, so she’ll see it as soon as she wakes up.

He grabs a glass of water in the kitchen on the way back, then turns out all the lights and locks up. When he climbs into bed, he’s surprised to see it’s almost one a.m. It takes no time at all for him to drift off, and when he wakes up, it’s because his noodly husband is wrapping his limbs around him and kissing his neck.

“Merry Christmas, Rafi,” Sonny whispers. “How long do you think we have before we have to get up?” Just then, they hear a squeal come from the other side of the apartment.

Rafael smiles and rolls toward Sonny, wrapping his arms around him. “Nearly an hour,” he says, leaning in for a kiss.


	17. Joy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four-year old Billie Rollins learns the definition of joy from her Uncle Rafi, and puts it to use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy December 17th!
> 
> A couple of children's books are mentioned in this ficlet. The first one, "Go the F**k to Sleep", is a must for anyone who has tried to put a person under five years of age to bed. You will laugh, you will cry, you will grab a bottle of wine and gulp it down. Seriously, it's awesome. Perfect present for new parents around Christmas...you know, once they've had the kid and the honeymoon has worn off... 
> 
> The second was referenced in another fic but I can't remember which fic it was. "Goodnight Gorilla" is a fantastic picture book for young children with very few words. This one's for the kid!
> 
> And yes, Billie is advanced for her age. They've found, in other countries where early academics aren't grilled, most children naturally learn to read by age seven. Here, where we push our kids so hard and so early, children are learning to read somewhere in that k-1 window (ages 5-7).
> 
> Hope you enjoy this little ficlet! I cannot believe that it's so close to Christmas...eek!

_ “Joyy,” _ Billie says slowly, pointing to the old ornament on the tree. “Hey! I wead ‘joy!’”. 

“Yes, you did!” Rafael confirms for the little girl, whose giggle makes it clear she feels pretty joyful about her ability to read.

She’s ahead for her age, Rafael is pretty sure. He’s no expert in child development, but the kid is only four, and he remembers doing the same around that age, and people acted like he was a genius. But maybe times have changed. “Unca Wafi, what means joy?” she asks, skipping over to where he’s sitting on the couch. Marley, Jesse, and Sonny are watching a movie in the other room, and Billie just wandered into the front room a minute ago.

“What does joy mean?” he rephrases, and she nods. “It’s kind of like really happy. Very excited and very happy.”

She sits on the couch next to him and scoots all the way back, so her back is against the back of the couch, and she crosses her legs. Then she turns her head toward him and tilts it, as though she’s interviewing him. “So Unca Wafi, whatcha do that makes you get joy?” Her little finger points to the tree in the corner of the room. “You like joy. I can tell ‘cause you gotted it on your tree.”

She’s a funny duck, this one, and he smirks at her. “Well, my family makes me feel joyful,” he tells her. “Spending time with Marley and your Uncle Sonny gives me a lot of joy. And spending time with my friends, like your momma and your sister and you.” He taps her nose.

“What about Pru-baby?” she asks now, crossing her arms in front of her. “Don’t your dog make you get some joy?”

He chuckles. “Yes, Pru gives me joy too.”

She nods her head. “Cool,” she comments, then slides off the couch and walks over to examine the built-in bookshelf. “You got a lotta books here, Unca Wafi...I bet these got some joy for you too,” she muses. Slowly she tugs out a copy of  _ Go The F**k to Sleep  _ and asks, “Can I wead this one about tigers? It says go...the--”

Quickly he whisks the book out of her hands and replaces it with a well-loved copy of  _ Goodnight Gorilla. _ “How about this one?” he asks, and she takes it, examining it carefully. “That was one of Marley’s favorites when she was your age. It’s called  _ Goodnight Gorilla. _ ”

“Okay,” she agrees, “but that’s not a tiger. It’s a gorilla.”

“Thanks,” he replies, and shoves the sleep book back on the top shelf.

Billie and Jesse are spending the evening with them a few nights before Christmas while Rollins goes on a blind date. Sonny set it up for her with some guy he knew from law school. Rafael’s met the guy a couple of times and he seemed nice enough. He wasn’t hitting on Sonny, and that scored him points in Rafael’s book. When Sonny mentioned setting Amanda up with Ryan, Rafael had shrugged. “If you think so. I don’t really know him, but he seems okay,” he’d said. He was just so glad that he and Sonny weren’t dating anymore. Dating was just exhausting.

Billie is carefully turning the pages, examining the pictures. There’s not a lot of print, so she’s telling the story as she goes. “And the man gots a key an’ he says ‘goodnight gorilla’ but the gorilla takes his key...that’s a naughty gorilla there…”

Rafael can’t help but smile at the memories she’s bringing back, of the dozens of times he and Marley dissected every illustration in that book.

After a little while, there’s a knock at the door and he opens it to let in Amanda. She looks pretty tonight, even sexy, not that he’d say it out loud to anyone. She grins at him when she sees Billie sitting in the recliner, reading, and quietly approaches the little girl.

“Hey, baby,” she interrupts, and Billie looks up from the book and grins.

“My momma,’ the little girl returns, hugging her mother.

“What are you doing?” Amanda asks, squeezing in next to her, and Billie hands her the book.

“Gettin’ me some joy, like Unca Wafi,” she tells her. “Weadin’ books gets us some joy! Wanna wead the end with me?”

“Sure” Amanda tells her youngest, and winks at Rafael. “Might as well get me some joy too.”


	18. Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and Rafael have found peace in each other, and peace in their family.
> 
> While Marlene's sleeping, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry December 18th!
> 
> This is a short little ficlet. No particular notes about anything. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Sonny Carisi has found peace.

He’s found it in the warmth of Rafael’s smile at the end of the day, when he gets home and has been missed.

It’s in his husband’s arms when he’s embraced and told through word and motion that he’s loved, adored.

He hears it in Rafael’s laughter, when they’re giggling together over something silly their daughter has done, or snickering over something hilariously ridiculous they’ve heard at work.

It’s in the taste of the arroz con pollo he shares with his new Cuban family, the way the spices coat his tongue and remind him of his lover.

Yes, after so many years, he’s found peace.

***

Rafael Barba has found peace.

He feels the reverence of it in his husband’s hands whenever they touch him, when they stroke his face during a kiss or worship his body while making love.

He hears the happiness of it echo in Sonny’s words, the I love you’s and the You’re amazing’s that he is treated to on a regular basis.

He tastes it in his coffee, his pancakes, his ziti, and the Christmas cookies that are in abundance throughout the holidays.

He sees it in the extended family photos of the large Carisi family, with so many people he loves in one picture.

Yes, after such a long time, he’s found peace.

***

Marlene Barba-Carisi is a whirlwind at Christmastime.

Ever since she was a baby, she’d always loved the sights and sounds of Christmas. Staring with wide eyes, taking in everything around her. When she was a baby, her daddies would take turns holding her and chuckling as she’d squeal excitedly at the lights and the music. 

As she’s grown, she’s found ways to embrace Christmas herself. She learns and sings all the Christmas carols she can. She helps to decorate her tree and Abby’s tree too. She makes cookies with Grammy and her dad. And she donates stuff to people in need. Her daddy says she’s a good girl, and her papi says she has a good heart. But she just wants to share the love that she has inside her, and to help other people feel happy, too.

The Christmas tree is on. Sonny’s sitting at the end of the couch and Rafael’s lying down with his head in Sonny’s lap. Marley’s on the floor in a bed of blankets and pillows, and they’re watching Disney’s version of A Christmas Carol. There are mugs of cider and a plate of cookies on the coffee table, and Pru is happily gnawing away on a doggy treat.

Sonny gently plays with Rafael’s hair until his husband shifts to look at him. Sonny smiles down at him. “Just happy. Content,” he says softly to Rafael. He nods toward his daughter, half asleep on the blankets. “You all are like Christmas in my heart every day. Bringing me joy, love, hope. Bringing me peace.”

Rafael tugs Sonny down for a sweet, chaste kiss. “Enjoy that feeling while you can,” he murmurs. “Sooner or later, she’s gonna wake up, and that peace thing’ll be a dream.”


	19. Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael and Marley care for Lucia while she's undergoing treatment for breast cancer. After they're home, with Marley in bed and Sonny at work, Rafael finds himself alone and fearful of his mother's future.
> 
> ***  
> TW: breast cancer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you enjoy this ficlet.
> 
> Please be aware that it deals with Rafael's fears about his mother's future, her illness (breast cancer), and being afraid of her death. There's also (very little) adult content.

It’s quietly snowing.

Rafael sits on the balcony alone in the dark, a blanket haphazardly thrown over his lap. Marley’s asleep in her bed and Sonny hasn’t made it home yet from work, and he feels completely alone. They spent the entire day at Lucia’s house, he and Marley, after getting an early call from Mateo that Lucia was vomiting again. The doctors have told him she’s doing much better, and they think she’ll recover. As he held his mother’s hair back today, he suddenly wondered if doctors know as much as everyone thinks they do. Usually he thinks positively, and he always talks as though there’s no other outcome. But when Lucia has days like this, ones where he can see the end of one life and the beginning of the next, he worries she won’t see another Christmas. But those are thoughts best kept inside and away from his mother and his young daughter, neither of whom he can bear to think of pondering such things.

He takes a long drag on the cigarette he’s smoking. He’s hiding it, he thinks; he hasn’t told Sonny he’s smoking and Sonny hasn’t said anything yet. It’s only one cigarette every few days to take the edge off right now. He’s told himself he’ll stop as soon as anyone notices, but right now it provides just a little comfort that he desperately needs. Marley found the last empty pack when she went to throw out the trash the other afternoon, and he lied and told her somebody had littered and he’d picked it up, meaning to toss it but forgot until he got home. She believed him. She always does, because before now, he’s never really lied to her. Funny how pain makes it easier to do things you shouldn’t, he thinks, both in relation to his daughter and the cigarettes. He crushes out the one he’s smoking and silently vows not to touch another one for at least twenty-four hours.

The wind is whistling, and there are a couple of stars visible in the sky, one a bit brighter than the others. It reminds him of the star over the stable, guiding people to the Holy child’s birth. He always loved that part of the story, of the stationary, beautiful star in the sky, guiding so many in their journeys. His abuelita used to sing the song “Away in a Manger” for him when he was a boy, and this year Marley has learned it. She sings it every morning when she gets up, and his mami managed to teach it to her today en espanol. Their voices together were painfully beautiful, and he closes his eyes now in an effort to hear them once more in his mind. When he opens them again, he sees the star through the snow. “God, she needs You,” he murmurs quietly, a prayer to the Lord on behalf of his mother, “we all do.”

He is startled when he feels the loveseat he is sitting on move. “What if I told you,” Sonny says softly, “that you are loved beyond measure?” Rafael turns to see his husband gazing at him sweetly. “By God  _ and  _ me,” Sonny affirms, and his arms open as Rafael leans into him, the tears he’s been fighting for weeks suddenly bursting forth. Sonny wraps his arms tightly around Rafael’s body, pulling him close. “It’s going to be okay, honey,” he whispers to his husband, who is now sobbing against his chest. “She’s going to be okay, Rafa. She has you and Marley and Mateo, and she’s not going anywhere now.”

It’s cold, but he doesn’t feel it anymore, curled against Sonny. The blanket is wrapped more tightly against him and Sonny’s arms are strong and warm. After several long, comforting moments, he hears his husband speak softly. “Come on,” Sonny tells him,“let’s go inside, warm you up.” He lets Sonny guide him inside, into the warmth of their bedroom.

***

Rafael is gasping, and it encourages Sonny to tighten his fist, to kiss more deeply, more passionately.

Clearing his husband’s mind of pain is all he’s hoping for. He’s found, over the years, that the best way to relieve Rafael’s pain is through sex--it stops his thinking and allows him to focus on something more primal. Seeing him in pain, especially pain from loving, hurts Sonny’s heart and reminds him of how very beautiful Rafael’s soul is. People don’t see the love, the compassion and the vulnerability inside of Rafael that Sonny sees. But Sonny sees it. He knows it’s there, especially on nights like tonight, and he's made it his job to kiss it away.

As Rafael climaxes, he grasps Sonny’s arm, cries out in pleasure, and Sonny holds him tightly. “That’s it,” he murmurs, “so beautiful...you’re so beautiful, Rafael...you let me see you...thank you for letting me see you.” Rafael’s eyes are closed, his mouth open as he relaxes back into himself. Sonny covers him in slow, loving kisses, kisses that promise that everything will be okay, that tomorrow is still coming.

“I wished upon a star,” Rafael finally whispers, the first words he’s said to his husband since Sonny got home, and Sonny presses another kiss to his temple. “I wished she’d still be here next Christmas.” His words are heavy in his mouth as he says them, still afraid they won’t come true.

“The Christmas Star,” Sonny answers quietly. “Your prayer. I heard it, outside. God heard it too, honey. She’ll be here. And if she’s not here on earth with you, I’ll be here with you, reminding you of her in every way. And Marley will be here too, and you’ll see her in the things our daughter does, so she’ll never be very far from you. I know it isn’t the same, but we’ll do our very best, okay?”

Rafael gazes into Sonny’s eyes for several long seconds before nodding. Sonny is right, he realizes. God willing, his mother will continue to live in them, just like she does now. 


	20. The Hanukkah Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gina's boyfriend Joseph invites Sonny, Rafael, and Marlene over to share an evening of Hanukkah celebration, but Gina makes it clear she hasn't forgiven Rafael for the husbands' separation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season's Greetings!
> 
> Whatever you celebrate, I hope it's being, will be, or has been kind to you! As I mentioned before, I am a practicing Christian, but I spent a few years as a nanny for a Jewish family. I learned a bit about holidays and customs, but it was many years ago. If you read anything in here that you know is inaccurate, please let me know so I can fix it! To the best of my knowledge, and the research I've done, all of this is accurate. I wish we shared more information about Jewish holidays and traditions the way we do about Christian ones. 
> 
> This story references the fic "The Separation", in which Sonny and Rafael spend a few months separated. It's hard on all of them, including Gina, apparently. Reading that fic is NOT needed to understand this mini-fic.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! We're coming into the last few days left before Christmas...hope you're ready!

Gina is in love again. This time he’s an associate professor of Sociology at a local university, and he’s Jewish. 

Sonny only recently moved back home with Rafael; before, he’d been renting an apartment down the hall from Gina and her new love. He and Joseph had developed some kind of weird little friendship revolving around cooking and various playstation games. Joseph was happy to share his stock of games, and Sonny swiped both of the gaming chairs from his place with Rafael. Rafael didn’t notice for four whole days, and by that point, Sonny claimed custody of them, and Rafael irritably accepted it.

(They went back when they got back together, but stayed with Sonny until then.)

It’s Hanukkah, and Joseph had promised to have them over at some point during the holiday to light the menorah and play dreidel. He was also going to make latkes. 

When Gina calls to invite them, she extends the invitation to Sonny and Marlene ONLY, until Sonny says, “Aren’t you forgetting somebody?”

“I don’t think so,” she returns. “When you and Joseph talked about it, you and Marley were the only ones included.”

Sonny rolls his eyes. “I don’t think we’ll be able to make it,” he tells her, and he hears a struggle for the phone, then Joseph’s voice comes on the line.

“Sonny! Of course your husband is invited! And don’t worry, I’ll talk to Gina. She’ll have a good attitude by the time Wednesday rolls around, okay?”

“Should we bring anything?” Sonny asks. “I’ve never been to a Hanukkah celebration. Do I bring those flat crackers...what are they called, matzoh? Or is everything supposed to be kosher? I can bring cookies...I can figure out how to make kosher cookies, if I know what kosher is!”

Joseph chuckles. “No, no. We’ll have everything taken care of. Just you and your loves, that’s all you bring. Okay, Sonny?”

“Got it. See you Wednesday!” Sonny says before hanging up the phone. He’s a little worried about what he’s gotten them into, but surely Gina doesn’t know more about Hanukkah and Judaism than he does, and Joseph lives with  _ her. _

***

“Welcome! Welcome!” Joseph says warmly as they arrive on Wednesday evening. The three guests enter and take their coats off as Joseph hangs them on the rack and Gina comes out of the kitchen.

“There’s my beautiful niece!” she exclaims, hugging and kissing Marlene, who hugs her back and grins. “How is it even possible that you’re MORE beautiful than you were last month? Unbelievable. And my sweet brother.” She wraps her arms around Sonny, giving a tight squeeze that he returns. When she lets him go, she and Rafael make eye contact, and her body visibly stiffens. “Rafael,” she nods curtly.

“It’s good to see you, Gina,” he tells her as kindly as he can muster, and Joseph ushers them to the couch.

“I like your menorah, Mr. Joseph,” Marley tells him, pointing to the carved multi-candle holder in the front window. It’s a beautiful, handmade version modeled after a tree.

“Thanks, Marley!” he replies. “My dad carved that several years ago, so it’s very special to me. I’ve been using it for years now.”

“Do you have to do without electricity, or do you fast?” Sonny asks, and Rafael elbows him, hard, as his face turns red.

Joseph laughs. “No, none of that is part of Hanukkah. I’m guessing you’re not very familiar with it? I know Gina wasn’t.”

Sonny shakes his head. “I know the Hanukkah song. You get eight crazy nights. That’s it.”

Joseph chuckles again. “Too many great versions of that song, too. I wish there were more of them!”

“It’s about the oil,” Marley interrupts, looking at Sonny. “The Maccabees only had enough oil for one night but it lasted for eight, right, Mr. Joseph?”

“That’s right, Marley! Good for you!” Joseph praises her, clearly excited that somebody other than him knows what’s going on.

“How’d you know that?” Sonny asks, clearly surprised, and she looks up at him again.

“Papi told me. We’ve talked about it lots of times, right Papi?” Marley turns to Rafael, whose cheeks flush at the sudden attention.

He shrugs self-consciously. “We had a neighbor, a friend when I was growing up whose family was Jewish,” he explains. “That’s how I learned about it.”

“That’s fantastic,” Joseph tells him. “We’re always happy to share our traditions. Marley, would you like to light the menorah?”

He guides her through the proper use of the candles. They light the servant candle first, which she holds as Joseph says the blessings. Then he guides her through lighting two more candles, since it’s the second night.

After, they eat latkes with sour cream and applesauce. “Your applesauce is great!” Sonny tells him, helping himself to more for the third time. “Did you make this?”

“Sure did,” Joseph grins. “In the crockpot. Super easy, super delicious. Just peel and core your apples, dice them, and add some cinnamon. Cook it on low all day.”

“Plus the house smells divine,” Gina adds, tousling Marley’s hair. She misses Marley terribly now that she’s not down the hall anymore. “Do you like it, Marley Mae?”

Marley nods. “I like the sour cream with the latkes but I like the applesauce alone. It’s really good. Hey Daddy, do you think we can make this sometime?”

Sonny’s nodding, practically licking his plate. Joseph chuckles. “Why don’t I pack some of that applesauce up for you to take home? If you all still have a little time, I could teach you how to play dreidel? Marley would really like it.”

“Dreidel!” Rafael repeats excitedly. “I haven’t played since I was a little kid! I was good at it, too! I loved winning the gelt!”

“What’s a gelt?” Marlene asked as Gina collected their dishes.

“It’s the chocolate coins we use to play. The winner gets to eat what he wins. Sound good?” Joseph asks. He doesn’t correct Rafael on the fact that skill is definitely not a big part of playing the dreidel game.

“I’m in!” Sonny announces, and they all agree to try a round or two. Joseph brings out the dreidel and a bowlful of gelt, instructing them to each take ten of the chocolate coins. The dreidel is similar to a top in how it spins; it has four sides, and each side has a different symbol and word on it. 

Joseph teaches them what each of the symbols mean, and they begin to play. It takes very little time for Sonny to run out of his gelt. Joseph is next, then Marley, leaving the game between Gina and Rafael. “C’mon Papi!” Marley cheers. “You can do it! Roll gimel!”

“Yeah, Rafi!” Sonny cheers, laughing. “Bring it all home for your baby!”

Rafael spins and it lands on hey, which gives him half the pot. He can’t help but grin as he takes the gelt he’s just won and moves it into his pile. “Good luck,” he tells Gina, still grinning.

Joseph chuckles. “You’ve got this, honey!” 

Gina smiles sweetly, then spins the dreidel and watches in satisfaction as it lands on gimel.

“You did it!” Joseph cheers, clapping, as Gina takes the rest of the pot. Sonny and Rafael clap for her, and Marley jumps up to hug her. 

“Congratulations! Aunt Gina, you won!” she cries, but Joseph interrupts her.

“Technically, the game isn’t over. One person is supposed to have all the gelt to win--”

“I think we can call it a win for Gina,” Rafael says, popping a coin into his mouth and handing a second one to his daughter.

“Really?” Gina asks. “If you feel that way, then hand over the gelt!”

Rafael laughs, but Gina doesn’t. There’s an awkward pause, then Rafael pushes the gelt across the table to Gina. “I probably deserve this,” he says, trying to keep his emotions on an even keel. “I know our separation hurt a lot of people. But I want you to know that I love your brother, and I love you, Gina...and I was afraid if we didn’t take a break for awhile, we’d be taking a break for good.” Taking a quick glance at his daughter, he adds, “And that’s all I’m really willing to discuss about it right now. But we can talk more later, if you want.”

“I need to finish the kitchen,” Gina says, quickly standing and rushing out of the room, but not before they all hear the soft sniffle and see her hand wipe her eyes.

They gather their things. Joseph packs applesauce plus some gelt for them to take, and they thank him for the evening. As Sonny opens the door to leave, Gina hurries in and quickly wraps her arms around Marlene, giving her a tight hug. “Thank you for coming, Marley Mae...I love you!” She moves over to her brother and hugs him, too. “Love you, Son. Be good.” 

Sonny hugs her back hesitantly, afraid of what’s coming next. Rafael is the only person she hasn’t said goodbye to, and he knows his sister well enough to know how attached she is to grudges. But she steps in front of him, then wraps her arms slowly and carefully around Rafael’s shoulders. “Happy Holidays, Rafael,” she says quietly. “I love you too.”

Sonny lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, and he and Marley wait until Rafael finishes hugging Gina back. Then Rafael turns to his family, eyes shining, and they head to the elevator for home.


	21. Christmas Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marley's made ornaments for all of her dads' work friends, and Rafael takes her to the precinct to deliver them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy December 21st!!!
> 
> I love this little ficlet! It always warms my heart when kids work SO HARD to make something for someone they love, even if it looks like...well, we all know what it looks like. Fin's the lucky recipient here, and boy, did she work hard!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“Dat’s it, Papi!” An excited four-year old Marlene exclaims to her father. “We’re all done! We gotted a present for everybody on the wist! I even checked it twice, wike Santa Cwaus does!”

Rafael chuckles quietly to himself. This year, Marlene really seems to understand the concept of giving and getting presents, and when he and Sonny made out their lists of who to give to, she sat right along with them and insisted on giving her own presents as well. So Sonny found a set of wooden snowflake ornaments that she could decorate and they could attach one to each present. She’s been working all week on painting and glittering the ornaments for different people, and it’s blown Rafael’s mind to see how she seems to have an idea of what she wants to make for each person.

“No, no, Papi! Dis...dis one is for Auntie ‘Manda, not Aunt Wivvy. Aunt Wivvy gets that one, with the gold...yeah, that.” She nods as he attaches the appropriate ornament to the right package, and they continue until every one is matched. The last one is for her Uncle Fin, and it’s a snowflake painted in hot pink and purple stripes with gold glitter topping it off. “Be tareful, Papi! It’s very delly-...delly…” She sighs in frustration.

Rafael holds it up between his index finger and his thumb. “Do you mean delicate, honey?”

“Yes! It’s very delly-tate. Be tareful, pwease. It’s so beautiful!”

Rafael bites his lip and attaches it to the package. “You think so, huh?”

“When I seed what I did there, I knew I GOT to give it to Unta Fin. Aunt Wivvy’s got Noah an’ Auntie ‘Manda’s got Jesse but Jayden’s still a baby and he tan’t make Unta Fin something weally beautiful yet. So I did! Plus, you know what? I know he’s gonna weally WEALLY wike the gold tause he wears his gold necklaces all the time!”

Now Rafael does chuckle. “I wear mine too, princesa...see my crucifix?”

She moves closer so she can examine it more fully. “Hey! That’s Jesus on there, wight?”

“That’s right. It’s a special necklace called a crucifix. I wear it all the time.”

“I know that,” she tells him, nodding. “You weared it every single day of my entire wife! Even when I was a baby!”

“Yes I did, that’s true,” he confirms. “So Uncle Fin isn’t the only man who wears gold necklaces.”

“But he has a big ‘spensive one with a money sign on it. He showed me one time. You don’t got a tool one wike that, Papi!” Her grin suddenly turns into apprehension. “Are you sad you don’t got that big necklace with the money sign? Yours is tool too--it’s got Jesus and he’s as tool as a money sign!”

“Thank you, mija,” he tells her, kissing her cheek. “I think it’s cool, too.”

***

“Here, Tarmen! Here ya go!” Marlene hands Carmen her present. Rafael had brought her over after preschool today to help pass out presents, and the little girl is brimming with excitement. 

“Oh my goodness! Thank you, Marlene!” Carmen spins around in her chair, grabbing a small package under her desk. “I have something for you too, sweetheart.” She hands Marley the small package, and Marley’s mouth forms a huge O.

“Papi, I gotted a present from Tarmen!” she whispers in excitement, and Rafael and Carmen both chuckle. “Tan I open it?”

At her father’s nod, Marley tears the paper off of the small package. It’s homemade playdough, and the squeal that comes from the little girl sends them all into laughter. “Do you like it?” Carmen asks. “It’s a special recipe called Mermaid Mud...very blue and very sparkly!”

“I WOVE it!” Marley squeals excitedly, then throws her arms around the paralegal. “Thank you for thinking of me, Tarmen.”

“You’re very welcome, sweetheart.” Carmen meets her boss’ eyes, and reads the joy and gratitude there. 

***

“Do you wike it?” Marley’s asking Amanda, who’s laughing.

“I haven’t opened it yet, silly!” she responds, laying the package on her desk.

“Not the present, you silly willy! My ornament!” Marley replies, giggling. Her Auntie ‘Manda can be very silly sometimes, and she loves it.

“Oh...well then!” Amanda takes a close look at the glittery blue snowflake. “I adore it! You must have spent quite a bit of time working on this!”

“Mine too,” Olivia adds, holding hers up to sparkle in the light. “You worked pretty hard, huh?”

Marley smiles and shrugs. “Not SO hard on yours,” she answers honestly. “Auntie ‘Manda’s took wonger.”

There’s a rumble of laughter around them and Rafael’s facepalming. 

Just then, Sonny and Fin enter the bullpen. “Hey, what’d I miss?” Sonny asks, kissing his husband, who’s still five shades of red.

“Hi Daddy!” Marley exclaims, then grabs Fin’s present from Sonny’s desk. “Unta Fin! I gotted your present today!”

Fin’s settling down at his desk and takes the present from the little girl. “What is this…” he starts, then stops, seeing everyone staring at him, “...masterpiece?”

“I taked for EVER to make that for you! Tause baby Jayden tan’t make you tool tid stuff yet. And I put wots of gold on it tause I know you wike gold SO much! Wike your weally ‘spensive big money necklace? ‘Member, you showed me that time?”

Fin’s regarding her as though she just landed from Mars. He’s turning the ornament around in his hands, examining it, and as she finishes talking, he says slowly, “Uh-huh.”

“Do you wike it?” she asks, and Rafael can tell she’s truly nervous by the way she’s wringing her hands.

Fin lays it down on his desk and leans forward. “How’d you know how to match my tree? Pink and purple and gold...this is the best ornament I’ve ever gotten.”

Marley’s eyes are big again. “Weally?”

He leans back in his chair again. “For real.”

Marley’s fists raise next to her head and she shakes them excitedly. “Oh yay! YAY! I did it!”

He high fives her.


	22. Gingerbread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and Rafael had stipulated that Marlene's birth mother should not send her presents at any time. But when the toddler is just shy of two, they receive a package with a homemade gingerbread girl and a Christmas card, asking if this tradition could be an exception. 
> 
> It's a sweet connection the little girl grows to cherish with her birth mother, and it never causes any problems. Except when it does.

Rafael is late getting home. It’s three days before Christmas and he’s still trying to make up work for the few weeks prior that Marlene had been so sick with RSV. He’s about to catch the elevator when Dan, the front desk worker, calls him over.

“You all got a package today that’s marked fragile,” Dan tells him, handing him a small box. There’s a return address, but he doesn’t recognize it. He thanks Dan and heads upstairs.

After dinner, he opens the package. The first thing he sees is a gingerbread girl, beautifully decorated and ready to be either eaten or hung on the tree. The girl has dark hair and green eyes, just like his daughter, and is wearing a red and green dress. He finds himself grinning at the cookie as he fishes around for a card inside the box.

It’s a standard Christmas card. He opens it and quickly realizes it’s from Marlene’s birth mother, Corrine. “Sonny,” he calls, “take a look at this.”

Sonny joins him at the table, the baby in his arms. She’s freshly bathed and smells like baby powder and cotton. She’s resting her head on his shoulder, and he can’t help but be happy with her there.

Rafael reads from the card. “Dear Sonny and Rafael, I hope you are having a good holiday! Every year at Christmas, my family makes gingerbread boys and girls. It’s one of our traditions and if it’s okay, I’d like to send one to Marlene each year. She can eat it or hang it on the tree, whatever you think is best. I know you said no gifts and I agreed to that. If you think it’s a bad idea, please send me a note and I won’t do it again. I made this one the other day with my grandma and it reminded us both of the picture you sent on her birthday. I promise I won’t send anything else. I hope you have a wonderful holiday! Merry Christmas, Corrine.”

“It is a cute cookie,” Sonny muses, picking it up and examining it. “Heh, it does even kinda look like her, don’tcha think?”

Rafael frowns. “So what do we do? Keep it? Or worry it's the start of an avalanche of problems and head it off at the pass?”

Sonny looks at the little girl on his shoulder. “What do you think, dolly, hmm?”

The toddler eyes the cookie in his hand and points to it. “Tookie, Dah-dee. Eat tookie?”

Sonny shrugs. “Sure, why not?” He breaks off a foot and gives it to his daughter. Rafael shakes his head in resignation, then breaks off a hand to nibble on. 

***

“What’s this one, Papi?” Marley asks, carrying a box that Dan had handed to them. They’ve only been back from Disneyworld for a couple of days, and their schedules are absolutely haywire.

“No idea, baby. What’s the tag say? Who’s it addressed to?”

“Hey,” she says, reality dawning, “I think it’s for me! M-A-R-L-E-N-E...that’s me, wight...I mean right, Papi?”

“Yep!” He unlocks the front door. “Who’s it from?”

She laughs. “Not me! C-O-R-R-I-N-E. Who’s that?”

“That’s Corrine.” He sets his things on the kitchen table, then reaches for the box she’s holding.

“Oh, come on!” she gripes. “Why can’t I open it?”

He doesn’t answer, just shoots her a look, then takes it to the counter and opens it, pulling out a card, then a cookie. He opens the card, skims it, then hands her the cookie and asks, “Do you want me to read you the card?”

“Yes, please,” she responds. “Wook, Papi! It wooks so much wike me again! I think she makes cookies to wook wike me, her wittle girl!”

He watches her admire the cookie. Part of him wants to tell her flat out, you’re not HER little girl. You’re OURS. Our little angel, our princesa, our most precious. My heart lives in you and I would give you every cookie in the world. But he doesn’t, because she’s too young to understand and he’s being selfish anyway. So he reads.

“Merry Christmas! I hope you all are doing well. We decorated the skirt of the cookie with some flowers, because you said Marley really loves art right now and she drew me a picture of flowers when I got her birthday letter. Thank you so much for that. I absolutely loved getting her picture. She’s getting to be such a big girl! I know she has a dog now, so we made a puppy cookie as well. Much love, Corrine.” He digs through the tissue paper and finds the dog cookie, and hands it to his daughter.

“Aww! It’s Pru!” she squeals delightedly. “Corrine made me a Pru! Isn’t she just a sweetheart, Papi? My belly momma’s such a sweet wady!”

Rafael kindly smiles and says, “That was very thoughtful of her. Are you going to hang either on the tree?”

He watches his daughter frown, then set the cookie of Pru on the table. “I think I’ll hang up Pru,” she tells him, then starts to unwrap the larger gingerbread girl. “I’m gonna EAT this one! YUM!”

He can’t believe he wants to deny her the pleasure of a momentary connection to the young woman who brought her into this world. Without Corrine, Marlene wouldn’t exist. But he’s not required to watch her eat the cookie, so he turns away and makes himself a cup of coffee to go with some cookies Sonny and Marlene had made the other night.

***

“I know what this is!” Sonny teases her, handing her the flat box. It just arrived, a little later than usual this year. Marley eyes him skeptically.

“You’re supposed to check the box first, and read the card,” she tells him. 

Sonny makes a face. “Why would I do that?”

She shrugs. “Papi always does it. I guess to make sure she doesn’t send anything he doesn’t think I should have.” She takes the package and sits down on the couch, and he takes a seat in the recliner, next to her. “I’ve never opened one myself. You sure you don’t wanna do this? Or should I wait for Papi?”

“I’ll tell him I said it was okay,” Sonny assures her. “You’re ten years old. I think you can handle whatever she sends to you. Now, if it turns out to be a body part, I’ll have to apologize.”

Marley snickers as she opens the box. It’s weird not to have Rafael in the room when it’s opened. He’s at work but is supposed to be home any time. “Okay...let’s see...oh cool! Look, Daddy! There’s musical notes on my skirt this year! That’s so cool!”

“That IS cool, dolly! What’s the card say?”

“Wait...there’s another cookie in here…” She picks up a small gingerbread baby, wearing a pink onesie. “It’s a baby,” she says, looking puzzled, just as the front door opens.

“Hey Family,” Rafael greets them, toeing off his shoes by the coat tree and pulling off his winter coat. “What do you have there?”

“My box from Corrine,” Marley says, pulling out the card. “Daddy said I could open it.”

“Well, you’re old enough,” Rafael shrugs, taking a seat next to her. “What’s the card say?”

Marley is already reading, and her expression is a serious one. “It says she’s having a baby. It says she has a husband now and she’s having a baby girl. In April.” She lays the card down but continues to hold the gingerbread baby. 

The room is quiet for a long moment, until Sonny says, “Are you okay, dolly?”

Marley slowly nods. “I guess she wants me to know I’ll have a sister. She can’t reverse an adoption, can she?”

“No, princesa,” Rafael says, tucking a braid behind her ear. “We are legally your parents from now until forever.”

She nods again. “Babies are cute and fun. Good for her. I hope her baby makes her happy. What time are we gonna eat dinner, guys?”

“I’ve got to finish it up,” Sonny says, getting out of the chair. “Give me a half hour. Don’t eat too much of that cookie--we’re having pasta!”

“Don’t worry,” she responds, “these are going on the tree.” She stands up, looking at each of the cookies. “On second thought,” she adds, opening the wrapper, “I think I’ll eat the baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy December 22nd! 
> 
> Gingerbread is such a beautiful art. I love watching the things people make and am always astounded by their creativity and accuracy. I've made all sorts of stuff myself, enough to know I'm not good at it and don't have the patience! But it's such a wonderful experience, I think. I remember making a house from scratch as a child with an adult neighbor (even her own kids wouldn't help her, lol). My own mother made gingerbread boys and girls every year when I was a child. I never liked gingerbread as a child but I love it as an adult, and the smell of all those spices is incredible to me.
> 
> A couple notes on this ficlet--everything Rafael feels, I've felt myself. You know it's selfish and wrong, but feelings are just that, so you deal with them and move on. I think most people who find themselves raising somebody else's kids have those feelings at some point. 
> 
> I am anticipating this becoming a much larger fic at some point, based on Marlene's feelings about her birth mom having a baby girl. Marlene is a sensitive and intuitive girl, and this won't be something she'll just move on easily from. Tonight, though, she just needed to be reassured...these are her dads, and this is her home, and first and foremost, nobody can take that away. And as for eating the baby jokes, I'll leave that up to you guys!


	23. Snowman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny's the only one who has to leave the bed on a snowy December morning, and he's not happy about it, so he plants the idea in his daughter's head that she and her papi simply MUST build a snowman.
> 
> Papi's not so thrilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry December 23rd!
> 
> This is about where, as a child, I was losing my mind with excitement because Christmas Eve was my favorite day of the year. As an adult, I am losing my mind because I have too much to do and it is NOT FUN RIGHT NOW!!! It's supposed to be fun, isn't it???
> 
> Rafael also thinks leaving his warm bed and cup of hot cocoa to build a snowman is NOT FUN, but Sonny had to leave to go to work, and he wasn't about to let Rafael get away with staying in bed. I hate people like that, you know? Just let me be in peace.
> 
> The only note i have here is I definitely agree with Marlene here--it is not advisable to leave your stuff unattended on a snowman anywhere, even your own rooftop community garden. And I think Rafael exercises some questionable judgment in regards to the cookies. You'll know when you read it.
> 
> Please enjoy! And if you have any comments or kudos to toss my way, I ain't too proud to beg right now.

The best part about his schedule now that he works with Bayard Ellis is that Rafael can somewhat pick and choose his hours, except when he’s in court. By some miracle, he has ended up court-free until the New Year. Marlene is done with school until January, so papi and daughter are curled up in the master bed with cocoa, watching A Christmas Carol as Sonny crankily adjusts his tie. “Somebody’s got to bring home the dough, I guess,” he grumbles to himself.

“Yeah, you gotta bring in the tookie dough, Daddy! Tan you bring us some chocolate tookie dough?” Marley is grinning, and when Sonny shoots her a grumpy look, she bursts into a belly laugh. Rafael grabs her mug just in time, before she falls forward on the bed, laughing.

“Have a good day, Soleado,” Rafael tells him, planting a kiss on his cheek as Sonny hugs him. Sonny stands and opens the curtains next to the bed and sighs heavily. “What is it?” Rafael asks, then sees for himself.

“Of course it’s a snow day! I get to work and you guys get to--”

“Stay in bed!” Rafael exclaims, making giant eyes at Marlene.

“Make a snowman at the park!” she shouts, hopping up and down on her knees. “Daddy, you tan stay home today, wight? Just one day? Please?”

“I wish I could, dolly.” Sonny kisses her head. “You guys have a good day. Have fun building me a snowman! I can’t WAIT to see it when I get home!”

“Sometimes I strongly dislike you,” Rafael grumbles to Sonny, who smiles for the first time this morning.

“That’s okay,” he returns. “I LOVE you! I especially love picturing you outside, building my snowman!”

***

They end up on the rooftop garden later that morning. “Otay Papi, so we gotta make a Daddy snowman...how do we make him? He’s gotta be tall an’ skinny with happy eyes.”

“Come here, and I’ll teach you how to start a snowman. First you’re going to make a snowball, and then we’ll roll it in the snow to make it bigger.” Rafael teaches her how to pack the snow and continue to roll it. Once she has three reasonably-sized balls, he helps her stack them. “Now we just need to make his face and give him arms...do you see any sticks for arms?” he asks her, and she starts to roam the rooftop a little more. A few minutes later, Marley returns with a couple of sticks. One is long and narrow, the other is short and breaks off into a fork.

Rafael can’t help but snicker. “Oh, that’s perfect,” he tells her, and they attach the arms. “What should we use for eyes? Or a mouth?”

She’s biting her lip and furrowing her brow, thinking. “Dunno. Tan we wook inside?”

“Sure. Let’s go look and get our lunch, and we’ll come back this afternoon and finish decorating him, okay?”

“Tay!” She follows her papi back inside.

***

“T’mon, Daddy...you’re gonna WOVE it!” Marley exclaims, tugging Sonny onto the rooftop. She leads him on a short path, up to a tall, narrow snowman. He’s got one long arm, hanging nearly to the ground, and a short one pointing to the sky as though he were disco dancing. The snowman’s eyes are sugar cookies with blue frosting and he’s wearing Sonny’s favorite sunglasses, tilted low. His mouth is a larger cookie, frosted red, as though he’s speaking, with white blobs for teeth. A breadstick serves as a nose, jutting from the middle of his face. The snowman is wearing Sonny’s favorite Mets jersey, a ball cap turned backwards, and he’s got a sign propped against him that says, “I’m Sonny ‘The Snowman’ Carisi and I bring home the dough!”

“Very funny,” Sonny says sarcastically to his husband, who’s bent in two laughing his very attractive ass off. Marley is looking back and forth between the two of them, unsure as to exactly what’s going on.

“I worked pretty hard,” she tells Sonny, “If it’s weird, it’s tause Papi writed the sign!”

“Your part is absolutely splendid, dolly,” he tells her, leaning over to scoop her into his arms. “I can tell you worked hard on this today, hmm?”

“I did!” she says. “I didn’t think it was such a good idea to use your favorite stuff but Papi said you’d weally wove it this way.”

Sonny shoots Rafael, who’s wiping tears from his eyes, a glare, and Rafael tries to get his laughter under control. “I love your work, Marley Mae! I’m gonna take me a picture of this, but I do think we need to take the sunglasses, shirt and hat back inside.” He puts her down, then takes a handful of pictures of Marley and the snowman together before putting the sunglasses on his head and taking the shirt and hat, and heading inside.

“You are awful,” Sonny elbows Rafael in the elevator, shaking his head, but there’s a slight grin on his lips.

“Sorry, love.” Rafael pinches his side, then kisses his cheek. “We missed you.”

***

When Rafael opens his phone the next morning, he finds a picture of the snowman on the roof, except this time it’s wearing his puffer jacket and red scarf. A plate of Christmas cookies is leaning against the snowman, and the sign has been changed. It says, “My name is Rafael Barba and I eat the dough Sonny Carisi brings home!”

“Hey Marley!” he calls, “Daddy left us some Christmas cookies on the roof!” If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, he figures as they eat cookies and cocoa for breakfast that morning.


	24. The Christmas Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since their first married Christmas, Sonny and Rafael's Christmas tree serves a very special, very private purpose. It serves as a special place to love one another, a romantic reminder of the blessing of their marriage.

It’s their first married Christmas together, and Rafael’s chest is filled with warmth, buzzing with romance. 

They’ve eaten a wonderful dinner that Sonny prepared, holding hands by candlelight. After dinner, as they indulge in wine, they finish up their wrapping before heading to Midnight Mass. The words echo in his mind from every year before. Sonny catches his hand, and Rafael smiles lovingly at his new husband as they sing Silent Night. There’s a new mother holding her little baby across the aisle, and he can’t help but smile at her. The world is alight and beautiful in his heart.

After church, they walk home. There are Christmas lights and music, and it’s snowing softly, and he leans over and kisses Sonny’s cheek. He’s never loved anyone like this before, and it’s the most beautiful feeling he’s ever had. When they get upstairs, the door is barely closed before their arms are around one another, their lips are on each other in deep kisses. The only light is from the Christmas tree, and within minutes they are lying under it, making love. Sonny is murmuring love in his ear, telling him how beautiful he is, how much he is loved, and Rafael believes him, succumbing to the intensity of their passion. And after, as they lie in one another’s arms, he murmurs to his love, “Merry Christmas.”

***

They’re new dads and their baby is not quite five months old. She sleeps in a bassinet in their room most of the time, and occasionally in her crib in her bedroom. But tonight, she’s swaddled and in her crib, and Sonny’s keeping his fingers crossed they can get one hour without interruption.

After he’s laid the baby down, he joins his husband on the couch with a bottle of wine; it only takes a few minutes before they’re in each other’s arms. They’re both exhausted--being new fathers is hard--but Christmas Eve by the tree is a precious time to both of them. The fireplace is on, there are blankets ready for them on the floor, and his love is in his arms. 

They make love, trying not to rush, yet at the same time knowing precious moments alone are ticking away. The lights on the Christmas tree glow against his husband’s skin and he presses open-mouthed kisses to Rafael’s chest and shoulders. “My very favorite Christmas present,” Rafael murmurs, and Sonny feels his heart swell beautifully. 

He’s about to climax when they both hear it--the baby is crying--and despite the fact that Rafael tries desperately to help Sonny finish, it’s a lost cause. Ten minutes later, they’re both in pj’s and cuddling their baby girl on the couch. She giggles and yawns as they enjoy the tree lights together. Rafael kisses her cheek, then Sonny’s cheek. “Maybe in a little while,” he says, and Sonny squeezes his hand. There’ll be a tree for lots of years to come.

***

They’ve just finished getting Marley’s presents under the tree and her stocking on the foot of her bed. She was snoring softly, thank God, because Rafael doesn’t think he can wait much longer. Sonny locks the bedroom door and turns just as Rafael wraps his arms around him, pulling him toward the tree they’ve put in their bedroom.

“Soleado,” he murmurs, kissing his husband deeply, passionately. Rafael has been looking forward to this night for weeks if not longer, a time to be alone with Sonny, a time to love him. Time seems to pass so quickly these days. They’ve been moving in different directions again, and it scares him. He needs Sonny in a way he can’t even put into words, so he tries to put it into his kisses.

“I love you, Rafael,” Sonny murmurs as Rafael quickly undresses him, kissing bare skin as it is revealed. Sonny can feel his husband’s vulnerability, a fear he’s been harboring lately, that Sonny wishes he could wash away. But he lets Rafael’s hurried hands strip him naked, urge him into the chair next to the tree, and Rafael sinks to his knees between Sonny’s legs.

“Te amo, mi amour,” Rafael tells him, kissing his thighs. “Soleado, tu eres mi amour y mi vida,” he murmurs, then runs his tongue around the head of Sonny’s cock before sucking firmly. “Tu quiero mas que a nada,” (I love you more than I can put into words), Rafael whispers reverently, then sinks down, sucking and bobbing and fondling to the best of his ability.

“Oh my God...Rafael…” Sonny allows himself to lean back and enjoy the pleasure Rafael is showering on him. He strokes his husband’s hair, wishing he could somehow convince the man he wasn’t going anywhere, that he had nothing to fear. “I love you, baby.” He says it quietly, with as much authenticity as he can muster in the moment. “You’re my everything.”

Sonny climaxes a few minutes later and Rafael works him through it, whispering words of love and devotion throughout, until Sonny relaxes into himself and holds his arms open to his husband. “Here,” he says, and Rafael carefully climbs into his lap. “I love you more than life, Rafi,” he murmurs, kissing the man’s temple. “Whatever it is that’s hurting your heart, just know I’m not going anywhere.”

“I love you so much.” Rafael kisses his jaw and snuggles closer, stroking the soft blonde hair behind Sonny’s far ear. “I’ll love you forever, soleado.”

***

“Sexpot,” Sonny snickers, biting Rafael’s hip. “Already wanting to get laid again.”

Rafael snickers back. “Shut up! You know you want it. You want my ass every chance you get. That’s why I stick a bow on it every December 24th. Your present is my ass. It’s the gift I keep giving you all year long.”

“Uh-huh. You’re shakin’ it at me every chance you get. You want ME to play Santa so you can sit in my lap with that ass! Wigglin’ all around. That’s you. Just naughty, aren’tcha?” Sonny reaches around and pops Rafael on the ass with his palm, and Rafael yelps, then laughs. “You shut up!” Sonny giggles now, more quietly. “You’re gonna wake up our kid!”

“You’re such an ass-lover,” Rafael teases him, reaching between them and rolling his husband’s balls gently in his hand. “You know you want it now too.”

“So what if I do?” Sonny argues defensively. “I’m only human. I can only take so much. Now my poor balls are aching.”

Rafael blows a raspberry onto his chest, then they both burst into laughter. “I love you so much,” Rafael admits freely. “You and Marley are everything to me.”

Sonny sighs loudly. “I hope so. Geez, I’ve tried hard enough.” Rafael rolls his eyes, and Sonny’s face drops to a huge smile. “How lucky I am that you love me, Rafi.” His smile changes from humorous to sincere and heartfelt. “How very, very lucky am I.”

“Me too, Dominick,” Rafael sighs, curling up against his husband. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Christmas Eve!
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed this little ficlet. It may be a bit disjointed because my day has been a bit disjointed! I will try to get the last ficlet up for this series tomorrow, but it may be Saturday, in all honesty.
> 
> Happy Holidays to all of you--no matter what you celebrate or what you believe, I hope this season has been a lovely and memorable one for you.


	25. The Little Drummer Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Marlene loses her money to buy presents, her aunt Livvy helps draw some inspiration from the little drummer boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!!!
> 
> This is the first time I've done one of these Advent challenges and it's been interesting! I'm ready to get back to writing an actual fic, but this was a fun and challenging way to imagine and write different scenes through the years for this family. I hope you've enjoyed reading it!

Marlene sighs resting her chin on her hand, elbow on the table. “I don’t got anything to give ‘em this year. I don’t even have my allowance, cause I lost it.” She takes a quick glance at Olivia, who’s sipping a cup of coffee, but isn’t saying anything. “It’s Christmas Eve and we can’t even go anywhere cause it’s s’posed to snow.”

Olivia hums in sympathy. “That is a tough one, sweetie. But I bet you could give them something that doesn’t cost anything...don’t you think so? What do your dads like?”

Marlene sighs again. Liv is babysitting for an hour while Sonny finishes up at work and Rafael runs an “emergency errand” due to the impending snowstorm. Apparently, they had planned to head to Staten Island tomorrow, until Rafael realized this morning the blizzard they’ve been referencing all week would be coming  _ tonight. _ Liv offered to have Marlene hang out with her while he finished getting a few things from the store. Sonny would be home later in the afternoon, and nobody would be going anywhere much after six, if the forecast was even close to accurate.

“Papi likes cologne and ties and anything lavender, except then he said I get him too much lavender stuff, so none of that any more. And he likes sweets but he’s trying to cut back now. He said Daddy’s cooking too good and making him gain too much. And Daddy likes sweets too, but he really likes them from Anna’s bakery near Grammy’s house. And they both like books but I don’t have any money and I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” The air of melodrama disappeared as the girl seems to suddenly realize her predicament, and that nobody is going to bail her out of it. “Papi even warned me,” she says, her voice shaking. “He said, ‘Marley, be careful with that money. Remember, you have to buy presents, right mija?’” She shakes her head. “They always make sure I have whatever I need. They’re such good dads, Aunt Livvy. And I wasn’t careful with my money and now it’s gone.” She sniffles, fighting back tears. “I feel like such a bad kid right now.”

“Oh honey.” Liv hugs her. “You’re not a bad kid. You had an accident with your money. We’ve all lost money before. All you can do is try to be more careful in the future. But you know what? There are a lot of gifts you can give someone that don’t cost anything--”

“I’m NOT drawing them another picture!” Marlene declares adamantly. “They got a million of those before I turned six!”

Liv chuckles. “Well, could you bake them something?”

Marley glares at her. “Have you heard of the family cookie exchange? Do you KNOW my daddy?”

“Okay,” Liv concedes, laughing again. “Something else. Something that YOU do, and do well...hey, you remember the story of the little drummer boy? This reminds me of him. He didn’t have any money either, so he played Jesus a song, remember?”

Marley sniffles again. “Yeah...yeah, I do...he was a really good drummer, and all he had was his drum, so he played a song.”

Liv nods. “His best, remember? He tried his very best, because he had been given a talent, and his talent brought a lot of joy, don’t you think?”

Marley slowly nods. “I think you’re right. Thanks Aunt Livvy...now I just gotta figure out what I’m gonna do…”

***

“Well,” Rafael says, surveying the damage in their front room, “I think that’s everything!”

It’s still snowing fiercely outside. They’ve had mugs of hot cocoa and opened roughly a ton of presents. Sonny’s sitting in the recliner in his new robe and Rafael’s on the floor next to him in new slippers. Marlene’s hair has three different clips randomly placed in it, and she’s thumbing through a copy of  _ Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret? _ . She turns and looks at Rafael, then says, “Are you missing something?”

“Yeah, we’re missing something,” Sonny pipes up. “I’m missing something, anyway. We didn’t get a present from you, little girl! What’s up with that?”

“Well, it’s like this,” she begins, having rehearsed her speech, but still feeling guilty about it. “I had saved some money to buy you guys presents, and when I went to pull it out of my pocket, it was gone. I had taken a couple other things out earlier that afternoon, so I guess it fell out.” Her eyes impulsively focused on the floor. “I guess I need to use a wallet. So anyway, I talked with Aunt Livvy and she helped me come up with a great idea! So grab your phones, gentlemen-dads, here it comes!”

She fiddles with her tablet, laying beside her, and a moment later Sonny’s phone dings, then Rafael’s does the same thing. “I hope you like it,” she tells them, and Rafael can tell she’s blushing.

Sonny holds his phone closer to Rafael so they can both watch on his screen. There is a video attached; he hits play, and Marlene appears, dressed in her holiday dress, with a big smile. “Merry Christmas, Daddy and Papi! I wanted to give you a special gift this year without money. Money is SO overrated, right? I know you’re laughing, Papi! So Aunt Livvy suggested I give some of my talent, like the drummer boy. So I think, I THINK I’m kind of a good singer, so here is your Christmas present. I love you guys!” She closes her eyes and focuses, then begins to sing a jazzier, less familiar version:

“Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas,

Let your heart be light,

From now on our troubles will be out of sight…”

A smile creeps across each man’s face. It’s clear she’s put her heart into this, even if it was last minute, and she’s singing with her whole soul.

“Once again, as in olden days,

Happy golden days of yore…

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Will be near to us once more…”

Sonny recognizes the version from an old Ella Fitzgerald recording of his husband’s. It’s light and fun, particularly when interpreted by a ten year old, and as she finishes, they both burst into applause.

“That was fantastic!” Sonny exclaims, clapping and jumping up to hug her. “I love it!”

“Mija, that’s the best Christmas present you’ve ever given me,” Rafael says, eyes shining.

“I’m so happy you liked it!” she says, wrapping her arms around him.

“I loved it!” he confirms, just as music starts in the background again. A second later they all hear Marlene’s voice sing, “I really can’t stay…” followed by John Legend singing, “Baby it’s cold outside…”

“Wait!” Marley gasps, reaching for Sonny’s phone, “Hold on...that’s not supposed to be on there--”

Rafael starts laughing. “My daughter is singing Baby It’s Cold Outside? With John Legend?”

Sonny elbows him. “Well, he IS attractive.”

“Stop it!” she squeals, finally getting the phone, and turning off the recording.

“True,” Rafael replies, “but he’s taken. And a bit old, too.”

“You’re not even funny!” she tells Rafael. “Besides, everyone knows you think Lady Gaga is hot!”

Rafael and Sonny look at each other. “Lady Gaga IS hot,” Rafael says, shrugging. “And apparently your daddy thinks John Legend is hot too!”

Both men are laughing now, and Marlene crosses her arms, looking a mix of furiously angry and biting back a fit of laughter herself. “Come on, dolly,” Sonny says, pulling her into a hug, “best Christmas present ever!”

“Me or John Legend?” she asks, raising one eyebrow and looking exactly like Rafael.

“Both,” he replies, and they all burst into laughter together


End file.
